Spontaneity is a blessing and opportunity for the grieving

I have two spontaneous friends. One is 22 years younger than I am. One is 21 years older than me.

In February, before this whole "stay-at-home" situation, one of my spontaneous friends (21 years older) called me and invited me to a very interesting historical society event in West Dundee. It was an open house with a presentation about the history of Coca-Cola, as well as the history of West Dundee.

Then, at her suggestion, we went to a local craft brewery for a flight of delicious beers, and I don't even drink beer, but I drank a couple samplers. It's a bring-your-own-snacks place, the very pleasant Black and Gray in East Dundee. She then suggested we go to our local dinner club, the Anvil Club, where she proceeded to eat a fantastic ice cream sundae and I had a glass of wine. It was a very unexpected and fun Sunday afternoon.

My other spontaneous friend called one day (before coronavirus) and suggested an early morning breakfast at Alexander's Cafe, a great local restaurant. She called me at 6:15 a.m., knowing I'm an early riser. We were there by 7:15 a.m. Delicious.

Spontaneous is fun, indeed. My dear Baheej was spontaneous and liked to explore without a definite plan, just an idea. I learned to enjoy this from him. We had so many nice experiences and adventures because of this spontaneous inclination he had. We saw many beautiful places together, enjoyed many lovely meals and met so many nice people.

Once we were in northern Holland, in an area called Friesland. We went by train into a little village called Workum - it was Market Day. We thought we'd stay a couple days but as usual we did not have a reservation. We shared a table with an very friendly, elderly, local couple and we asked them about a hotel. They said there was no hotel. After awhile they said they would rent us a room, like a bed and breakfast. But they were not a bed and breakfast, they just had an extra room in their home. So they took us home with them. They were the Folkerts.

It was one of those cozy Dutch homes. This was the beginning of a fascinating week of exploration. They had a little car, a DAF Daffodil they called 'the Daffe.' We went all over the countryside of Friesland together, including her childhood home in Hindeloppen. We bought hand-painted Dutch tiles from a shop owned by the last family of craftsmen who painted these types of tiles. The two brothers took us into their workshop and showed us the process.

We also bought wooden candlesticks painted in the Friesland style of green and red with flowers. They are a bit like the Norwegian rosemaling. But there are certain distinctive Friesland colors and patterns. They are treasures. There was lots of trade between Norway and Friesland.

An hour after we first arrived at the Folkerts' home, both their grown children and spouses showed up almost immediately to find out who we were and if everything was OK. It was OK, and they were very sweet to us. What a week.

This was in the late 1970s and it is still vivid in my memory. From then on, I was OK with spontaneity.

The point is: Spontaneity is an opportunity and usually a pleasure. Of course, it's pretty impossible in our current coronavirus pandemic. I miss such activities. But we can still be spontaneous on the phone, with mail and email, and texting. Life will eventually return to outside activity.

It may be a while, but we will do it again. And in the meantime, keep the cheer!

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.