Soothing experiences are necessary for your mental health

We all need to be pampered once in a while, both women and men. Maybe there's a little different type of "spoiling" for men than women, but the bottom line is the same: It's relaxing, pleasurable and makes one feel special. It clears the head.

Pampering oneself is rather important to maintain good feelings. It's nice to have little experiences to look forward to, which is essential for everyone and certainly for those in grief. And certainly now with the "stay-at-home" situation.

So we need to do soothing activities every so often. Once a day is best! This includes a great range of possibilities. These activities vary from person to person. They may be as simple as sitting down and reading the morning or Sunday newspaper while having a cup of coffee or tea.

You may enjoy some simple activity such as watching a movie, painting, listening to music, or anything you like. Even reading email can be soothing and relaxing for some.

It could be playing with your pets. In my case, I brush my kitties every morning. It's a ritual. One of them comes up to me and starts calling me with a particular type of meow. I'm expected to follow her to the front stairway, which is their brushing spot, chosen by them.

So I follow and brush each of them. It's become a whole calming game in which the other kitty, Sheba, runs to the top of the stairs and waits her turn while I slowly brush Coffee Cat. It's soothing to the kitty and surprisingly soothing to me, as well.

I then move on to Sheba who has waited patiently. It's interesting she understands the concept of taking turns. They both later nap and it's enjoyable to see them so happy. I feel happy, too. It's a great bonding activity with your pet.

My other big soothing activity is my monthly trip to the wonderful Spa Bleu hair salon. It's definitely a pampering experience. There's a shoulder massage, arm and hand massage, scalp massage, all while my hair is being done, then a pedicure and foot and leg massage. Sheer relaxation.

It's a treat to myself, for sure. I first ran across these hand massages when traveling on business in South Asia. It's always part of a hair or nail appointment there. I guess that will changing for a while with all these pandemic closures and restrictions. We shall see …

For my dear husband, Baheej, one of his soothing activities was to go to the West Dundee Starbucks and have an espresso or a special blend they called Blonde. He would see other regulars there, including Bob and his golden retrievers, while working on his novels. Once he wrote a whole novel there just by going every morning for a couple hours.

We almost ended up getting a golden retriever puppy because of that, but we were doing too much traveling in those years to take on a puppy.

Baheej also loved sitting in a certain chair in the afternoon in our house, looking out at nature, and reading for an hour or two on days he wasn't teaching.

When he was teaching, he'd have a brunch breakfast at our University Club in downtown Chicago before going to his first class at Columbia College, just a few blocks away down Michigan Avenue. It was relaxing to him and put him in the right state of mind to engage his students.

He always ordered the same thing: a bowl of berries, scrambled eggs with lox, fresh tomatoes and cucumbers. Rituals are soothing.

He didn't have to prepare for class; he had an encyclopedic memory. He taught extemporaneously. He just needed to be clear and focused on the subject of the day.

Your soothing activity could be going to a favorite restaurant for lunch, having something you like without having to make it yourself. I certainly usually do that. It's very pleasant. And I see many regulars at my favorite restaurant doing the same. Well, not for the time being, but again in the future. In the meantime, there are lots of good takeout possibilities.

The point is: Whatever is soothing for you, don't forget to do it. We all need some quiet "me time." We need quiet time to think. We can't forget ourselves with all the pressures, activities and "stay at home" responsibilities of daily life - and certainly not while grieving.

This is worth thinking about. Take care of yourself.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.