Adopting a pet can help with the grieving process

Why do we love our pets? Let me count the ways.

You have probably heard the phrase “eye candy.” I didn't hear it until a couple years ago. And at first I didn't understand because I thought they were saying “I” candy. Very confusing. I soon learned it means a person or something that is lovely and pleasing to the eye, pleasing to look at.

Well, I think that is the first reason why we love our pets. Our kitties and dogs or other pets are just pretty and pleasing to have around. They are a type of “eye candy.” I have two sweet kitties, as many know, and I just love to see them curled up napping around the house. It has a very calming effect, and I think this is especially good for someone coping with grief.

This calming effect is especially nice, too, in this “stay at home” situation as a coronavirus precaution. I know my house would not be the same without them. And I know many people feel the same about their dogs.

If I'm sitting on a couch in the living room writing or reading email, my Coffee Cat invariably jumps up and sweetly snuggles nearby. Sheba is at my feet.

I adopted my kitties as little kittens at four months from a barn after my dear Baheej died. And there are many, many great pets of all ages for adoption in all the local animal shelters. Getting kittens or a puppy is a handful. You have to raise them! But many sweet adult cats and dogs are available. Rescuing one or two pets to a “forever home” is gratifying and humane. You will be the winner.

So pets are comforting, they make one feel good, which is very important. And they are usually sweet and follow you around the house, so they are great buddies.

They are also funny and entertaining. They are smart and have distinct individual personalities. Mine are very intelligent, as they say in an old radio show, “Prairie Home Companion” — “mine are above average!” They have learned a lot of English and human gestures. They are very well trained (by me), know their names and go where they are asked to go, and come when called.

Of course, they also know their daily routine, which helps. They bring lots of smiles and fun into the house.

We had a black cat named Sheba when I was growing up. That Sheba was actually a “he” but we didn't know that when he was named. So he remained Sheba. So like Johnny Cash, who sang about “a boy named Sue,” Sheba was a boy named Sheba. I named my black and white Sheba after him. But she's really a girl.

Pets are usually quite empathetic. They are often very affectionate, if you raise them with affection. They stay close by if you don't feel well or are very sad. And they do the same to each other if you have more than one. I have a photo of my Coffee Cat comforting her sister Sheba when Sheba hurt her paw and had a big purple bandage on it. Coffee Cat actually cuddled her sister for several days to comfort her.

One of the problems after the death of a close loved one is that we often feel alone because sometimes we are now living alone, or because many of the activities you shared with your parent, spouse, child or friend are no longer possible. Right now, we are all more alone with all the gatherings, meetings and some work canceled.

A nice aspect of having pets is that the house is not as empty. I'm not saying pets replace our lost loved one or are a substitute for friends visiting, but they make good company.

You also have to feed and take care of your pets. This nurturing is a nice feeling and a positive activity. There are lots of magazines and books and online information on how to understand and take care of pets. Your local veterinarian is a great help with such advice, in addition to medical matters.

The point is: There are many reasons why we love our pets. Even though pets are some expense (they are indeed a monthly budget item), it's worth having a cat or dog, especially if bereaved or living alone.

Pets are wonderful as long as you are home enough to keep them company and care for them. They will add a lot to your everyday life.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.