Why celebrations of life are important, even if delayed

There is a fascinating old movie that begins … "I had a farm in Africa." And it brought back many nostalgic memories to the Danish woman who was the narrator (played by Meryl Streep).

Well, "I attended a funeral dinner" in February (before the coronavirus situation) and I had an experience I will remember as very pleasant and nostalgic.

Actually I didn't really attend. And it was a memorial dinner, not a funeral. I just happened to stumble upon it. But I was there, the only other person in the large, lovely dining room of a restaurant in St. Charles, called Eden on the River. It was an odd time of day, about 3 in the afternoon, so lunch was over and it was way before the dinner crowd.

Something made me go there. I already had completed a long day of appointments and shopping in Geneva. But I had intended to go to this fairly new restaurant for some time. And St. Charles was on my way home to Sleepy Hollow, so I found it.

The dining area has a private section on one end, but open to the rest of the room. So I sat down at my own table and a group was gathered right in my line of sight. We were the only people in this big dining room. As soon as I saw the pastor in a center position, I thought it must be a funeral or memorial dinner. It was. As I learned later, it was hosted by a lovely woman for her 91-year-old father.

The group was mixed in ages, appearing to be family and friends of different generations, about 15 or 20 people. They were relaxed and cheerful as a celebration of life should be. And I saw them enjoying several courses of delicious food (as I did). I was really just watching, not attending, but because the room was nearly empty, I felt I was there. Strange but true.

Eden on the River serves Mediterranean and Middle Eastern food, completely authentic and perfectly done. I had some handmade kibbee balls - fantastic. They are meat and cracked wheat, stuffed with pine nuts, chopped cooked onions and spices. Hard to make unless you know how! My chicken kebabs and grilled vegetables were also tops! I cook this food myself so I was curious. The kind owner was very generous in sharing his recipes for his particular spices with me. A little different from Nazareth cooking but really excellent flavor.

This all reminded me of the memorial gathering and supper held for my brother, Nic, a year and a half ago up in northern Minnesota. Old friends and family attended, reminiscing and cheerful, the way Nic would have wanted it. He was raised a Methodist as we all were, and was very Christian in his values and relationships with others. He was not a churchgoer and did not want a traditional funeral. It was just right for him.

And it reminded me of what my beloved Baheej always said - that after a death, people should have a meal together, or at least go out with a few friends and talk about nice memories, rather than go directly home from the funeral.

So the point is: It is very important after a death for people to gather, share a nice meal and support each other and the bereaved family. I was very fortunate to see this group doing just that.

There are so many nice people out there in our communities helping and supporting each other. This is going to be very difficult with the restrictions on social gatherings underway with the coronavirus right now.

Yet it's good to think ahead and such gatherings can always be convened and hosted later when this virus is under control. Be careful and stay well.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.