How to explain the loss of your family pet to children

Recently, while trying to accept the loss of one of my own felines, I found myself asking the question: If we as adults have such a hard time coping with the loss of an animal, how in the world do we explain to children that it is all right to be sad?

I found the answer in a paperback, cartoon-type publication titled "They're Part of the Family: Barklay and Eve Talk to Children About Pet Loss," written and illustrated by Karen L. Carney.

This publication is number eight in the Barklay and Eve Activity and Coloring Book Series of publications that help children get through different experiences in life that may be difficult. The advise this little book offers can help us supposed grown-ups cope with pet loss easier.

The dogs that interact in the book are the author's own. The book begins with the introduction and premise that we can get through anything with the love and support of our family and friends.

The book is interactive, with pictures for children to color, games and a series of questions to begin the healing process.

Then, you get to the big question, "Do you know what it means when your pet dies?"

"Their ears don't hear, their heart does not beat ... Their lungs don't breath ... They don't feel any pain ... They don't feel anything at all."

The book goes on to explain about the spirit leaving the body and about the spirit going to "a safe place called heaven." This experience is analogized to a butterfly leaving its cocoon.

What really impressed me was that the book impresses the difference between death and sleep. Death is permanent and there is no waking as when a person sleeps.

This book continues on with three animal stories on death and how each family shares happy memories, scrap books and decides together where the final resting place will be.

This book is presented in real terms children can understand and feel good about.

My only disappointment in the book is in the feline story; the feline is killed by a car. What was it doing outside? It is explained away by an accident. Overall, I would still say the book is a good find.

Remember, inside only, for Buddy's felines! This policy keeps your feline safe from physical harm and disease.

I have an additional suggestion regarding the loss of a pet if you decide as a family that cremation is the solution to the loss. Involve your child in the process of picking the urn. There are hundreds online, some of which are breed and color specific, to elegant cherry or rosewood engraved boxes.

Some local funeral homes are also beginning to understand the significance of the loss of a pet as a family member and offer a small selection of urns.

You can further memorialize your pet in The Buddy Foundation's walkway in the entry to the shelter. Your pet will be forever memorialized in the walkway and you are assisting Buddy help more homeless animals with your brick purchase. I cannot imagine a more honorable tribute for your beloved pet.

Upcoming:

Gather your pledges and come walk with your dog to raise funds and awareness for The Buddy Foundation rescue shelter in Arlington Heights. All ages are welcome at 9 a.m. Sunday, Sept. 8, at Melas Park, 1500 Central Road, Mount Prospect.

All dogs must be leashed and current on their vaccinations; proof of rabies vaccination required. The day also includes dog demonstrations, raffle drawings, prizes for pledges, a yoga stretching demo and more.

Registration is $35; $10 for children ages 12 and younger. For information, visit thebuddyfoundation.org.

• The Buddy Foundation, 65 W. Seegers Road, Arlington Heights, is an all-volunteer, nonprofit organization with all funds directly assisting its animals. Its mission is to provide immediate safety and care to stray and abandoned cats and dogs. Call (847) 290-5806 or visit www.thebuddyfoundation.org.