Clarity comes with focus on Fittest Loser training
Sometimes you look into the mirror, or at your life, and you see what you want to see instead of what is really there.
But true change often starts with taking a good, hard look at the unvarnished truth of you and your life.
Five weeks into it, the Fittest Loser competition is giving me some needed clarity.
The vast majority of my personal story so far has focused on the death of my son, John.
I always understood that the key to rebuilding my life hinged on seeing the current situation with clarity. For me, that begins with acknowledging that I am no longer a parent.
Some will kindly counter that I will always be a parent, but that's not true. Embracing who I truly am now, empowers me to rebuild my life from what I have to work with, not what I wish it to be.
And that powerful and painful clarity allows me to step into the workout studio and push forward.
No matter our actual fitness condition, we all have that part deep inside ourselves that looks in the studio mirrors and sees someone who is in "OK" shape.
We take comfort thinking that while we're not a bodybuilder, we're not a puddle of Jello either.
Well, workouts with my trainer pack a powerful punch of reality. Taking off the rose-colored glasses, there was no denying the puddle looking back at me in the mirror.
That first week working with Josh Steckler, owner of Push Fitness, handed me a clear picture of my physical condition. I felt every bit of my 57 years and then some.
Forget about planks and burpees, I struggled with the lowest weight set in the studio.
Before I could gain some much needed strength, I would need to boost my stamina.
During our first workout session, I let Josh know I was more of a walker than a runner. My husband's knee surgeries back in our California days always shied me away from tackling 5Ks or marathons.
To rebuild my stamina, Josh helped me ease into short daily runs with interval training on the treadmill. It became my daily workout homework assignment.
I see Josh more as a "fitness doctor" than a personal trainer. His keen and experienced perception easily reads the physical reality of clients.
Josh recognizes what someone should not do, and motivates them to do what they can and should accomplish.
Moving into week three, I began to feel more confident with my form in the studio. Kettlebells are my nemesis and it's challenging for me to stop overthinking the maneuver.
Conversely, the foam roller became my new best friend, both in and out of Push Fitness, as I worked out stiffness in my sides and upper legs.
Josh reminds me to see this as "growing pains" of training. It's the tangible way our bodies show us we are using muscle groups that have been neglected for far too long.
I like to see it as physical clarity, a sense that I'm coming back to life again. And there's no denying that feeling is a good sign.
Some of you may be wondering what happens when a contestant experiences a setback, either illness or injury.
Smack in the middle of week four I caught a mild form of the cold bug going around the area. I countered with extra rest and Josh helped by adapting my training.
The setback cost me a couple of days in the studio and missed workout home assignments. But I couldn't stop feeling it could have been much worse, and has in years past. Here was clarity showing me a different way to look at a challenging situation.
As I move to the halfway point of this contest, there's no denying I'm feeling stronger: physically, mentally and emotionally.
Experiencing this setback showed me I'm also beginning to develop resilience. And that is the secret to keeping my rebuilt life on track now, and in the future.