Imrem: At NFL combine, top brass practices art of saying nothing
Sometimes it feels like the NFL Scouting Combine should be staged in Hollywood instead of Indianapolis.
If you missed the Bears' news conferences Wednesday morning, you could have watched "Seinfeld" reruns instead later in the day.
Both pretty much are shows about nothing.
At the combine, there was Jason Alexander as George Costanza as Bears' head coach John Fox and Michael Richards as Cosmo Kramer as general manager Ryan Pace.
Seriously, the Bears' talkers are like sitcom characters without the com. Actually, they're more like sitgib characters as in situation gibberish.
Fox and Pace say nothing. Reporters feverishly record it. Soon it shows up on radio, TV, newspapers and the Internet.
All a football fan needs to know is that most speakers at the combine sprinkle many of their sentences with the word "obviously."
Why is that? Because everything they say is "obvious." They might as well have not said it because it goes without saying.
This isn't just about the Bears' designated statesmen. It's about the coaches and GMs of all 32 NFL teams.
Hardly any of them want to address reporters. They would prefer being there alone with their stopwatches, timing big humans running around in underwear and not being distracted by newshounds.
After listening to Fox and Pace on both of Chicago's all-sports radio stations, I drifted over to the NFL Network.
Starting at about 1:30, Buffalo head coach Rex Ryan and Arizona head coach Bruce Arians were at the podium back-to-back.
Now, these two guys are among the great talkers in sports, sort of to football what Cubs' manager Joe Maddon is to baseball.
Ryan and Arians each spoke for 15 minutes without much of saying anything. It was an art form performed by two artists.
In other words, so to speak, they and Fox and Pace and all the others were in midseason form.
When they were done, nobody in the audience had any better idea of which teams would win divisions, qualify for the playoffs or make it to the Super Bowl.
But the NFL types kept talking and reporters from around the league kept recording and NFL officials kept basking in the glory of free publicity.
This show of shows, or charade of charades, isn't the fault of the coaches and GM's. It's the fault of the media.
Heck, at the recent Senior Bowl, Chicago news outlets were disappointed that Pace and Fox didn't even say that they had nothing to say.
Fox and Pace did talk in Indianapolis, likely because they didn't want to be responsible for reporters slitting their own wrists.
The day ended as it began: Nobody knew whether Peyton Manning would retire, where Kyle Long would play on the Bears' offensive line and who all the backup quarterbacks in the AFC South will be.
Oh, Pace did compliment Shea McClellin, Fox did compliment Jay Cutler and you can draw your own conclusions from that.
Speaking of drawing conclusions, Pace stopped short of conclusively saying that Alshon Jeffery will be back with the Bears next season but he came close enough that the media concluded he will be because that's the closest they could get to actual news.
Today I'll watch the NFL Network to see fat guys run and jump at the Scouting Combine.
It's February, it's cold it's football … what else is there to do?
You can watch only so many "Seinfeld" reruns.
mimrem@dailyherald.com