Preparation and patience make traveling with special needs child easier
Spring gets me thinking about family trips. Day trips, long weekends, weeklong vacations. There are trips that take time to research, plan and save for. Then there are the spontaneous pick-up-and-go trips. Both give us a means to reconnect, recharge and create the wonderful memories that bond us as a family.
I recently asked our parent network about traveling with a child with special needs. The consensus from our seasoned travelers was that it can be a challenge but not impossible. You just have to remember the four “P’s”: planning, preparation, patience and permission.
Researching, planning and asking questions as much as you can upfront are definitely key. If you are planning a destination vacation, be sure that there are accommodations along the way. Are there built-in quiet spots to avoid overstimulation? Will there be a balance of activities appropriate for all your family members? Will long waits be a problem? Be sure to contact the venue ahead of time to ask about special accommodations. Many will have recommendations for you.
If traveling by plane be sure to ask the airlines for special seating, assistance boarding and any other accommodations that you might require.
Mary Morrow of Carol Stream has often traveled with her daughter, Grace, though it was more difficult when Grace was young and more medically compromised. Morrow would call ahead to the airlines, letting them know that she was traveling with a child with special needs. It was especially important when she had to secure special permission to bring oxygen aboard the flights.
When it comes to lodging, know what is available. Make sure that the space will fit your needs by checking with the hotel early on. Will you need a quiet room, a larger suite or wheelchair accessibility? Hotels want your stay to be a pleasurable one and are willing to work with you.
Once the reservations are made, it is time to prepare for your adventure. Whether you are traveling by plane or by car, it can be stressful even under the best of conditions. Be sure that you have plenty of things to engage your child. Books, special toys and computer games are always favorites. Many of Nancy Stolarz’s family trips were taken by car. On one especially long 400-mile trip, Nancy remembers planning games like collecting car plates from all over the United States. They also made a game out of collecting town names and the names of rivers they crossed along the route.
Penny Boyle creates a picture story and time schedule for her daughter, Sophie. She starts with waking up and getting ready to go. It includes leaving the house, getting to the airport and what happens when they get there. It can be as detailed as your child needs and end with walking back in the house when your trip is over.
Definitely pack your patience. Whether traveling by car or plane, be sure to give yourself plenty of time. Remember that the adventure starts the moment you leave the house. If you stay relaxed your child will stay relaxed but if you are anxious they will pick up on that anxiety.
Penny also suggests developing a very thick skin. All kids get fussy or have meltdowns. They don’t care if it is in the middle of a busy airport or a bustling amusement park. If that happens, just focus on your child. Don’t worry about what other people are thinking. Every parent has had to deal with a fussy child at one time or another.
I remember walking through the Magic Kingdom seeing kids in full blown meltdown mode on a regular basis. It was certainly not the happiest place on earth at that moment for any of those families. Parents passing by shared a silent but empathetic “we’ve been there too” look.
What happens though when a family trip requires so much planning and effort that it really is not a vacation for anyone in the family? What if the disruption in your child’s daily schedule prevents an enjoyable or relaxing vacation? Morrow found that you have to give yourself permission to take a separate vacation.
Grace needed round the clock care. Planning a trip away from home for her was very stressful. Morrow also has two other children who love Grace dearly, but also deserved a vacation where they could be the center of their parents’ attention. The family decided on a trip without Grace. There was still an enormous amount of preparation necessary to assure Grace had everything she needed while they would be away. Being away from Grace was difficult and heart-wrenching at the beginning. Those first few days Morrow worried constantly about how Grace was coping.
What she found was that for the first time in a long time, she was able to actually recharge and reconnect with her other two kids. Morrow told me about her daughter waking her one morning to go out and watch the sunrise together. Something so simple and yet could never have happened if Grace was on the trip. As for Grace, Morrow learned that she was having a little vacation of her own with all the attention she was getting back at home. Now the family has a balance between trips with Grace and without.
One thing I have heard over and over again from everyone is that traveling is important for the entire family. Yes, it can be a challenge, but it is a great way to reconnect and create memories for a lifetime.
Ÿ Sherry Manschot is the marketing/public relations manager at Western DuPage Special Recreation Association. She leads a parent network of special needs families at WDSRA. Manschot can be contacted at sherrym@wdsra.com. More information about WDSRA can be found at wdsra.com.