It’s no simple task to get teen siblings ‘happy together’

By Kent McDill

I have four children with distinct and separate personalities.

Haley, 18, the firstborn, headstrong and opinionated; Dan, the first of the 16-year-old twins, well-behaved and currently looking for direction; Lindsey, the younger twin, who is loving and funny when she wants to be, scary the other times; and Kyle, at 13 the youngest, the comedian and future writer.

Along with their diverse personalities come diverse interests. With the exception of their last name and heritage that comes with, it seems they have nothing in common, which is not the worst thing in the world.

However, there are times when I want them to be a TV family, an “aw-shucks’’ collection of idiosyncrasies and traits that coalesce at the end of an episode into a “we are in this together’’ moment.

There are very few topics or activities that can be introduced that will produce such a moment. There is one, the last one I will mention, which is surefire, but I hesitate to use it too often for fear it will lose its effectiveness, and perhaps cause severe health issues down the road.

So let’s start with the ones that work most of the time:

Family movies: Our home movies are still on videotape, and it takes a while to set it up for group viewing, but on those rare occasions when we all are feeling a little nostalgic, taking out the family movies from when the kids were kids always seems to bring them together. But even that carries some difficulties, because Kyle doesn’t want to watch anything before 1998, when he was born. “When is this going to get good?”’ he asks, waiting for his arrival in the storyline.

Making fun of Mom and/or Dad: I hate when the kids argue, and I am not above doing something majorly stupid intentionally (losing my glasses, talking to the refrigerator, or just dancing without reason) to get them on the same page. The only problem with this method is that I can’t get them to stop. Apparently, they have a lot of material to go over (I’ve apparently done some really silly things) from the last decade-plus.

Leaving the room — It’s funny that it has taken me so long to realize this, but if I leave the room, much of the tension seems to dissipate. Maybe I’m the problem, or maybe it’s that “tree in the forest’’ effect. If the kids argue, but I’m not there to hear it, does it really happen? This is most effective during the summer months when they are all home for lunch. If I try to make lunch for them, there is always conflict. If I allow them to make their own lunches, it seems to go without much conflict and sometimes actual laughter.

The trampoline — Without question, the trampoline was one of our best purchases. We splurged and went top-of-the-line on the thing, and it is the one activity where a child can call out “Who wants to go on the trampoline with me?” and he or she has the distinct possibility of getting three positive responses. Because they are my kids, and competition is a key component of our household, they have invented a game for the “tramp’’ called Total Combat Hand Soccer, and the teams are usually Dan and Haley (who is afraid of the ball) against Lindsey and Kyle. They can play it for hours. It’s fun to watch, as long as I can’t hear them arguing over the rules or rules violations.

O.K. Now we come to the one surefire way to get my kids to join together in a 1950s style family gathering. I could probably even get them to dress up for the occasion, like it seemed they did on Leave it to Beaver or Father Knows Best.

I can sum up this method in one word:

BACON

If my kids know that bacon is in the breakfast, lunch or dinner forecast, and if they know there will be enough to satisfy them all, they are happy to be beside one another in a gluttonous group gathering. It’s really an amazing thing to see. They share, they laugh, they smile, they discuss just how great bacon is. It’s the happiest times of our lives.

Now I just have to figure out how to serve bacon in the family vehicle on our next road trip.

Ÿ Kent McDill is a freelance writer. He and his wife, Janice, have four children, Haley, Dan, Lindsey and Kyle.