Resolution quandary: Do sports matter?
New Year’s resolutions are like sports records and Christmas toys — made to be broken.
You know, like Carlos Zambrano taking a vow of sanity, Roy Williams swearing off drops and Adam Dunn promising to love the DH role.
Never going to happen, my friends.
But my resolution for 2012 is going to be different. This baby is etched in stone, newsprint and cyberspace.
Sports writers tend to think everything they see at any particular time is the most important event at the moment.
Not in this space this year, however.
Carlos Boozer’s weight fluctuations, vertical leap and inconsistency issues will not take precedence over the European debt crisis.
Differences of opinion between a quarterback and offensive coordinator aren’t going to rank up there with those between Barack Obama and John Boehner.
An athlete’s off-field walks on the wild side won’t be considered any worse than those of Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan or your neighbor.
I mean, come on, there are bigger crises in the world, like Sinead O’Connor’s marriage lasting only 18 days compared to Kim Kardashian’s 72.
Yes, folks, this year I resolve that sports are going to be about winning and losing rather than life and death.
Sports do provide relief for people fighting wars against terrorism and disease and hunger and homelessness.
But take each of the Top 10 sports stories of the year, any year, and something more meaningful happened on the planet on those days.
Your team lost; a tsunami destroyed a village. Your favorite player was injured; a valuable contributor to society died young. A work stoppage threatened a season; the stock market plunged.
Remember, I’m the one whose mantra has been that sports are things to care about that don’t matter.
Does it matter to a billion Chinese that Alfonso Soriano is afraid of the wall, or that Patrick Kane is in a scoring slump, or that the Bulls might need another big man?
I found out in September that 98 percent of France’s 68 million people couldn’t care less whether the Bears beat the Packers.
On that day the sports that the French cared about that don’t matter were soccer, rugby and quiche-eating contests.
To Pierre and Michelle the Bears-Packer game was as important as cricket, croquet, and crocheting are to most Americans.
I cruised all sorts of websites trying to keep up with the score and they cruised all sorts of outdoor cafes for their next bottle of wine.
And we snicker at the priorities the French have?
OK, so that’s it, This year I resolve to not take sports so seriously or personally.
Except, wait, you say Northwestern lost another bowl game? The White Sox traded Carlos Quentin for a couple of minor-leaguers? Purdue hammered Illinois in basketball? All on Saturday?
Why doesn’t freakin’ Northwestern just RSVP “will not attend” to bowl invitations? Don’t the freakin’ Sox CARE an iota about fans who adored Quentin? When will freakin’ Illinois FINALLY fire its hoops coach, anyway?
Oops. Sorry about the indignation. Apparently my 2012 resolution didn’t even make it out of 2011 and will have to wait ’til 2013.
Maybe sports still are something to care about even if they don’t matter in the wide scope of humankind.
Have an awesome New Year regardless, and let the games begin!
Ÿmimrem@dailyherald.com