Monkeys might as well run government

Every government run by humans has eventually failed. The Roman Empire, the British Empire, and now? Perhaps we should think about turning over the role of government to our closest nonhuman relatives, the chimpanzee with whom we share 98.5 percent of our DNA. The goal would be to rid the system of corruption, special interests and outside influence.

In keeping with our constitutional values here is what I propose. We will continue to have the same number of representatives and senators, but they will be represented by our nonhuman relatives. Each will be kept in an individual cage which has two individual chutes, one marked yes, the other marked no. A bill proposed by the chimps’ human relatives is shown to them individually, and a peanut is put into the yes and no chutes. Whichever peanut is picked up first constitutes the vote and the bill is passed or rejected.

This kind of legislative practice may be more considerate of the country’s needs than the current Congress has shown, and it would be less costly to the taxpayers.

Chris Kinkel

Arlington Heights