Hey, anything can happen during marathon baseball season

Here comes another season and with it a peek into the crystal (base) ball for predictions worthy of April Fool’s Day:Like, Jay Cutler will tweet that Jake Peavy should man up and get back on the field.Jim Hendry will reveal that he tried to hire a competitive eater to competitively eat the $11.5 million the Cubs owe Carlos Silva.Someone will wonder whether being #147;all in#148; means Jerry Reinsdorf will go broke, be homeless and sell the White Sox to Mark Cuban if they don#146;t win at least the AL Central.Len Kasper won#146;t just keep looking young enough to be in high school, he#146;ll leave the Cubs for a day in June to attend his junior prom.President Obama will declare Comiskey Park a no-fly zone to discourage the Hawk from dumping on umpires.After failing at soccer, Chad Ochocinco will try something easier, like winning the Cubs#146; second base job.The Cubs#146; Year 2 of the Ricketts ownership will resemble Years 8, 17, 34, 52, 89, 98 and countless others of previous ownerships.Mark Buehrle will forgive Michael Vick after learning that he kills deer for fun.Testimony in Barry Bonds#146; trial will prompt veteran baseball phonies to raise their eyebrows, throw their palms up and say, #147;No, really?#148;Bobby Jenks will start a bench-clearing brawl, but neither his new Red Sox teammates nor old White Sox teammates will clear their bench.If he hits .196 again, the number will forever be known as the Carlos Pena line.Carlos Zambrano will throw at Sox batters, and Adam Dunn will retaliate by picking up and spilling out the Cubs#146; dugout.The Ricketts family won#146;t be able to persuade Alfonso Soriano to join Roger Goodell and work for $1 this year.Bud Selig will require rotator-cuff surgery from patting himself on the back so often.Jeff Samardzija will continue being Chicago#146;s worst reliever and best receiver.The Sox will wonder why fans haven#146;t come, and the Cubs will wonder where fans have gone.The Cubs will make Mike Quade long for the good old days when he was riding buses and eating Happy Meals in the minor leagues.Ozzie Guillen will begin dressing like Charlie Sheen and introducing A.J. Pierzynski as one of his goddesses.Starlin Castro will declare his candidacy to be the Cubs#146; next great player to not win a World Series.The Sox will learn that a team with three potential closers is a team with no closer.Tyler Colvin will be like the backup quarterback whom fans clamor to be the starter.Kosuke Fukudome will yen to take his U.S. dollars back to Japan.Gordon Beckham will start fast and finish slow or start slow and finish fast.The Cubs will punctuate their youth movement by trading Darwin Barney to the Sox for Omar Vizquel.Gavin Floyd will win the Javier Vazquez Award for best stuff/worst results.Tom Ricketts will lobby the state for slot machines in Wrigley Field.The most interesting race will be between Carlos Quentin#146;s head imploding and Marlon Byrd#146;s biceps exploding.Kerry Wood will deny that he#146;s a leader when he sees where the Cubs are going.After today the Sox and Cubs seasons will be on hold until the Bulls and Blackhawks are eliminated from the playoffs.mimrem@dailyherald.com