If there was a tax on complaining, government would be flush

For some reason lately, complaining has become wildly out of control. Aren't you just sick of it?

Maybe more people feel a license to complain when there seems to be more to complain about – from the blizzard and below-zero temperatures to the slop from melting snow to never-ending negativity in the mayoral election.

Certainly there is a plethora of platforms available these days for personal rants. Once upon a time not long ago, only your spouse and the family dog were available to hear complaints. Now there are ready-made complaint departments open 24-hours a day, with Facebook, Twitter and talk radio topping the list.

Of late, the complaining decibel has ranged from hysterical to historic.

First, the hysterics.

When a Skokie man posted some complaints about his cousin on Facebook, she turned around and filed a complaint against him in Cook County circuit court.

The lawsuit filed last week by Angela Matthopoulos claims that her cousin, Chris Douvris, wrote some profanity about her on his Facebook page. According to the suit, Douvris called his cousin “promiscuous” and “lacking integrity” in postings last November.

It looks as though the scandalous remarks have been taken down, but she wants at least $50,000 in damages from cuz'n Chris.

“Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections” Matthopoulos currently has posted on her Facebook page. She didn't respond to my message for more information about her complaint.

Neither did he. But his Facebook page is a little less angelic. “I can be your BEST friend or your WORST enemy!!!” he writes. “You decide!!!”

Then there were the 400 jilted Super Bowl patrons who complained because their seats got screwed up in Dallas. They had tickets to sit in some temporary seats but when they arrived at Cowboys Stadium on Feb. 6, the seats weren't ready and they had to watch the game on TV.

The NFL first offered to buy back their unused tickets at three times the face value along with a ticket to next year's Super Bowl. Fans were then given a second choice of future Super Bowl tickets, cash for a round-trip plane ticket and hotel accommodations.

Nothing though could undo the anguish, humiliation and permanent damage of what happened. They have filed a $5 million class action complaint in federal court.

Sometimes group complaining reaches historic proportions and can achieve remarkably fast results. Consider the successive days of public complaining, aka protests, in Egypt that resulted in the end of a dictator's reign.

It might be a good idea though for Egyptian civilians not to throw away their demonstrating clothes. When the next regime takes over, or if the military leaders who engineered last week's overthrow of Hosni Mubarek decide they like the trappings of power and his wine cellar, the complaining might have to resume.

The next time, though, it may not yield the same results.

What happened in Egypt was a large-scale complaint that got a lot of attention. Most of the complaining that goes on every day is much less impressive. Just page through Facebook and scroll down Twitter postings to see what I mean. What did people do before they had such outlets?

Eventually, there will either be a tax on complaining or an outright ban. Wouldn't that be the ultimate intrusion of big government?

Ban complaining.

Just smile and be happy, like Joe Biden, the vice president. Come to think of it, Biden could lead the nation's anti-complaining campaign. It would give him something to do after Obama replaces him in the next election anyway.

It could be the next, great move to legislate behavior. Call it: “Just Say Yes.”

Think of the implications.

Tax hike? Yes, great!

The president says, “We spent all your money on tilapia research.” Yes, terrific!! We like fish!

The government announces, “We will be skipping a month of Social Security checks to save money.” Yes, go ahead, we'll get by!!!

Until then though, the complaining is bound to continue. New social networks will open with even more venues for whining, beefing and belligerence.

By the way, did I tell you that I loathe Valentine's Day?

• Chuck Goudie, whose column appears each Monday, is the chief investigative reporter at ABC 7 News in Chicago. The views in this column are his own and not those of WLS-TV. He can be reached by e-mail at chuckgoudie@gmail.com and followed at twitter.com/ChuckGoudie