Romantic thriller 'Tourist' nice to look at, but sparks fizzle
Call it “The Tourist” claptrap.
Here we have a romantic thriller that should have evoked comparisons with a classic Alfred Hitchcock film starring Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint or Grace Kelly.
It comes closer to a “Naked Gun” parody, except with all the fun sucked out of it and the pacing slowed to a funereal beat.
Nothing in this tepid and dishonest romantic thriller adds up to much, beyond an excuse for the cameras to linger over the surface beauty of its two major stars as they preen and pose instead of emote and relate to each other.
From the very beginning of its ludicrously overblown opening sequence, “The Tourist” telegraphs that we're in for 104 minutes of visual sizzle and dramatic fizzle.
The beautiful and elegant Elise Clifton-Ward (Angelina Jolie) sits in a Parisian plaza, sipping tea, when a messenger gives her a letter that instructs her to board a train for Vienna. She rises and begins to walk, and an entire brigade of undercover cops who've had her under surveillance suddenly rushes and dashes to keep her in sight.
James Newton Howard's music rising tensions fueled by percussive explosions furiously plays as Elise self-consciously strolls across the plaza as if she's on a fashion runway.
She halts so the camera can drink in her beauty and we can admire her clothes.
The music hits a fever pitch of suspense!
The cops search for her! She's walking. Walking!
Wait!
Angelina Jolie is walking across a plaza.What's so suspenseful about that?
Nothing at all. #8220;The Tourist#8221; trapped us in a fake exciting moment, the first of many.
Scotland Yard in London (we know this because #8220;Scotland Yard in London#8221; keeps flashing on the screen) is after the mysterious Alexander Pearce. Obsessive Inspector John Acheson (Paul Bettany) is convinced that Pearce's former lover Elise will lead them directly to him.
Elise boards that train and randomly selects a man to use as a decoy for the cops.
She finds Madison Community College math teacher Frank Tupelo (Johnny Depp). She invites herself to sit down. Acheson thinks Frank must be the never-seen Pearce.
Even if Frank isn't Pearce, ruthless crime boss Reginald Shaw (Steven Berkoff) an apparent reject as a James Bond villain who kills inefficient henchmen thinks he is, and he wants back the $2.3 billion that Pearce stole from him.
The film's direction, by Germany's Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, has the blunted impact of a committee decision and the script sounds as if it's been redrafted so many times that whatever punchy personality it had, it's been beaten out of it.
Still, a few sharp exchanges stand out in the dialogue.
#8220;You're ... ravenous!#8221; Frank sputters when he sees Elise in a fabulous evening gown.
#8220;You mean ravishing?#8221; Elise replies.
#8220;I do.#8221;
#8220;You're ravenous?#8221;
#8220;I am.#8221;
This hardly compensates for a plot requiring that windows never have closed curtains, even when Elise takes off her clothes, or when Shaw's thugs try to open a safe.
The real problem with #8220;The Tourist#8221; can't be discussed in a review, because that would constitute a violation of a critic's solemn professional oath not to spoil surprises.
Let's just say that the script (credited to the director, plus Oscar winners Christopher McQuarrie and Julian Fellowes) dabbles in a bit of shameless con artistry to lead viewers to wrong conclusions.
Give cinematographer John Seale credit for making everything in #8220;The Tourist#8221; look pretty, especially the costumes, the hotel ballrooms and the main stars, although Tom Cruise and Charlize Theron were originally cast.
If nothing else, Jolie and Depp are easy on the eyes.
It's all too disappointing that #8220;The Tourist#8221; is hard on the brain.
“The Tourist”
Rating: ★ ★
Starring: Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, Paul Bettany, Timothy Dalton
Directed by: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Other: A Columbia Pictures release. Rated PG-13 for language and violence. 104 minutes.