No 'Ovation' for shallow kids musical that never should have been made
"Standing Ovation" is a spiritually bankrupt, morally reckless, ethically unhinged and emotionally vacant musical comedy about a group of tweenies who can't act, sing or convincingly lip-sync.
This film deals in gay stereotypes. It traffics in token black characters. It advocates cheating. It condones revenge. It pushes the idea that money not only can buy happiness, money is happiness.
How this movie ever got into production will go down as one of the great mysteries of the world, along with where Jimmy Hoffa went.
Actor James Brolin served as the executive producer on this cinematic travesty. Maybe he thought "Standing Ovation" seemed like wonderful little movie for kids to enjoy.
In the immortal words of Dr. Phil, what was he thinking?
The story pits a group of cute, nice and poor junior high school girls against another group of cute, nasty and rich older girls called the Wiggies.
The poor girls call themselves the 5 Ovations, led by Brittany (Kayla Jackson).
Her mother and father are gone, for reasons that don't matter. Her brother Mark (Austin Powell) and grandpa, Gramps (P. Brendan Mulvey), can't even pay the rent.
Yet, Gramps steals what money Brittany saves and blows it at the racetrack. Brittany chides him for being irresponsible. But what does she do the moment she gets a hot tip from Joei (Joei DiCarlo), a tweenie she's just met?
She bets on a horse. Yep, that'll teach Gramps to be irresponsible with money.
Joei is a self-styled private eye on the trail of a mystery man who fleeced her family of their life savings years ago. She keeps trained scorpions in her purse. She has an electric eel and uses a cobra to force people to answer questions. (I am not making this up!)
The conventional plot has the 5 Ovations competing for $1 million in a national music video contest. But the snotty Wiggies do all sorts of naughty things to thwart their rivals, such as put sneezing power on their microphones.
So the 5 Ovations respond by filling the Wiggies' wigs with fleas. (I am not making this up!)
Meanwhile, a little firecracker named Alanna Wannabe (Alanna Palombo) sets community theater back by at least a century with an ego-chocked performance so obnoxiously overbearing, you wish Joei would turn the trained scorpions on her.
"Standing Ovation" is written (badly) and directed (really badly) by Stewart Raffill, veteran of such underwhelming productions as "Mannequin 2" and "Ice Pirates."
He caters to the worst overacting instincts of his young cast, who constantly roll their eyes, puff their cheeks, pout their lips and flail their arms in a mockery of professional performance art.
Then there's the Wiggies' embarrassingly overweight coach and dad (Sal Dupree) who sings "Splish Splash" while we watch him take a long, long bath.
I am not making this up.
<p class="factboxheadblack">"Standing Ovation"</p>
<p class="News">Zero stars</p>
<p class="News"><b>Starring:</b> Kayla Jackson, Joei DeCarlo, Alanna Palombo, Austin Powell, P. Brendan Mulvey</p>
<p class="News"><b>Directed by:</b> Stewart Raffill</p>
<p class="News"><b>Other:</b> A Kenilworth Films release. Rated PG. 104 minutes.</p>
<div class="infoBox">
<h1>More Coverage</h1>
<div class="infoBoxContent">
<div class="infoArea">
<h2>Video</h2>
<ul class="video">
<object width="300" height="205"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_rKV9rJSKTg&hl=en_US&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_rKV9rJSKTg&hl=en_US&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="300" height="205"></embed></object>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</div>