Notre Dame wants (but shouldn't get) everything

Notre Dame is starting to get irritating.

Fighting Irish athletics always have been an irritant to many people, of course, but don't count me among them. I disagree with some of what the school does but respect most of what it does.

However, it's increasingly annoying that Notre Dame's football nose continues to point up above the conference realignment fray.

"We want to remain independent - we're special enough to go it alone - college football needs us more than we need it - so on - so forth - so go blow it out your earhole - blah, blah, blah."

The conference maneuvering appears over for now and Notre Dame remains free. But haven't the Irish ever heard that freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose?

(Unless you're coached by Charlie Weis, Ty Willingham or Bob Davie and countless football games are left to lose.)

Anyway, let me tell you something, ND breath: You'd rather be a mistress than to marry into a league, but a lot of mistresses die as spinsters.

Seriously, neither the Irish nor anyone else can get everything they want. Like, the University of Illinois - wants to be the Harvard of the Midwest, but it ain't gonna happen.

Why? Mostly because too many alums like me still say "ain't gonna," which indicates that Illinois is having enough trouble just being the Illinois of the Midwest.

Uh, where was I? Oh, yeah, it finally struck me why Notre Dame's independent stance is so offensive.

The Irish are referred to as the New York Yankees of college football, right? Of course they are.

Ohio State, Michigan, Alabama and a few others comprise the sport's elite, but Notre Dame is special even among them, just as the Yankees are special among the Red Sox, Dodgers and Chicago's teams.

But what if the Yanks told Major League Baseball, "We're not going to play ball with either of your leagues - we'll associate with whom we want when we want - then we'll expect you to include us in your postseason formula"?

The Yankees don't say that. Their power plays come within the confines of the American League just as the Texas Longhorns, the real Yankees of college football, make theirs inside the Big 12.

Notre Dame? As an independent, the Irish are saying they're too good for your football fraternity, Northwestern, and yours, Duke, and yours, Vanderbilt.

For some reason, the rest of college football allows Notre Dame to keep behaving like its spit doesn't stick.

The Big East includes all Irish sports but football. Big Ten schools slot the Irish on their football schedules. The Bowl Championship Series establishes separate criteria to satisfy the Irish's postseason ambitions.

Notre Dame chooses independence over conference conformity, yet schools still grant them most of the privileges of inclusion.

So, what should be done and can be done?

For starters the Irish should be told they have to join a conference or nobody but the University of Phoenix and Nintendo Tech will schedule them in football, basketball or any other sport.

Then when the Irish do agree to join up, their membership application should be rejected.

As long as Notre Dame wants to be irritating, let's have some fun irritating the irritant.

mimrem@dailyherald.com