This 'Kid' has no kick: Remake offers slick action, but no heart

Hollywood's obsession with everything '80s continues this week with the release of "The Karate Kid," a slick and empty remake of the beloved 1984 classic.

The new version has bigger stars - Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan fill the basic roles first performed by Ralph Macchio and the late Noriyuki "Pat" Morita - and a bigger budget. But in the end it doesn't belong in the same dojo as the original.

Sure, the remake offers plenty of butt-kicking martial arts action, but it delivers none of the interpersonal drama that made the earlier film so special. It's surprising, because aside from a few superficial differences here and there, the new "Karate Kid" follows the original almost note for note.

Smith, son of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith (who produced the film), plays 12-year-old Dre Parker, the titular "kid." A job transfer forces Dre and his mother to move from Detroit to Beijing.

Dre isn't in his new country more than a few hours before he gets slapped around by Cheng, a vicious school bully with "Matrix"-like fighting skills. (The film's title notwithstanding, the martial art of choice here is kung fu, not karate.) Cheng and his band of toadies make it a priority to torment Dre because he's developed a crush on pretty classmate Mei Wing, a friend of Cheng's family.

So Dre enlists the help of Mr. Han (Chan), the maintenance man who lives in Dre's building. Han is a kung-fu master, and after saving Dre from the bullies with a typically dazzling array of Jackie Chan moves, he agrees to teach his skills to the boy. The two train for an upcoming kung fu tournament that will allow Dre to confront Cheng on a level playing field.

The tournament, which director Harald Zwart shoots in glossy music-video style and augments with slow-motion replays, is the highlight of the film. It's hard not to root for Dre as he delivers kung-fu payback to Cheng and his buddies.

What the movie lacks, though, is the strong relationship between student and teacher that distinguished the original. Macchio and Morita, who earned an Oscar nomination for his performance, created a touching, heartfelt portrait of friendship that added some genuine emotional weight to all the leg sweeps and crane kicks.

Smith and Chan, by contrast, never connect. Smith, blessed with his father's movie-star looks, also displays Dad's tendency to mug for the camera. He works so hard to look cute on screen that when it comes time for him to appear vulnerable, we don't buy it. And Chan, saddled with dialogue that consists almost entirely of fortune-cookie sayings, simply can't hit the human notes that Morita did.

There are other problems, too. The actress Taraji P. Henson, so wonderful in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," is screechy and irritating as Dre's mother. And the filmmakers never bother to explore the cultural issues raised by bringing a black American family to urban China.

Ultimately, the 2010 "Karate Kid" ends up being just another slice of calculated Hollywood summer product. Fans of the original who left theaters in 1984 chanting "wax on, wax off!" will surely be disappointed by this lame retread. Younger viewers will probably like the kung-fu action, though I wonder if the film's stout 140-minute running time might test their patience. Either way, my bet is that this remake will soon be forgotten, while the original will keep on kicking.