Tiger did all married men a big favor

This Tiger Woods fellow is one shrewd dude.

He broke the code that allows husbands to play golf at their leisure.

The price was steep and most men wouldn't want to become tabloid fodder to pay it.

That's what Woods did and here he is again, back on the golf course and sports pages.

Most consider Woods' saga to be a TV reality series like "Jersey Shore" or soap opera like "Desperate Housewives."

Actually it's more of a situation comedy like "Everybody Loves Raymond."

Remember how Debra nagged Ray to help out at home instead of going to play golf with his buddies?

Too many spouses - some of them women and some of them men - just don't get the whole golf thing.

What Ray Barone should have done was get caught fooling around with pancake waitresses and porno queens like Woods did ... and did ... and did ...

Look what happened after Woods took that route: The public clamored for him to get back to the game.

So he did. First he practiced for hours at a time. Then last week he showed up to play in the Masters. Then fans welcomed him back by cheering his every move. Woods' penalty for living scandalously the past few years is to play golf for millions of dollars on the planet's most beautiful courses.

Saturday wasn't kind to Woods, as he struggled, grimaced and cursed his way around Augusta National to a 2-under par 70. Some struggle, huh?

Woods was disappointed but come on, big guy, bad golf is better than no golf and certainly better than cleaning out the garage or spreading mulch in the backyard.

Anyway, none of us knows for sure what has been going on the past couple months behind the closed doors of Woods' home and the closed gates of his residential community.

But if Woods and his wife ever spend any time together in the same house, speculation might include this conversation.

"I'm going out for a while, Elin dear," he might say.

"Don't 'Elin dear me,' " she might say. "I won't tolerate you meeting one of your floozy girlfriends again as long as we're still legally married."

"Don't worry, honey, I'm just going to play some golf," he might say.

"Oh, OK," she might say, "but no more than 36 holes today."

Once again, Tiger Woods wins while the rest of us jamokes finish tied for second.

Now assorted husbands worldwide are threatening to hook up with nightclub hostesses so their wives will say, "Please, can't you just go play golf instead?"

The guys will stand pensively, face crinkled and an index finger pressed to their cheeks, before saying, "Yes, if you insist I'll go hit balls but you owe me for this."

One of society's dirty little secrets is that some men would rather romance a golf ball than a woman if both of the above isn't an option.

So the key, as Tiger Woods is demonstrating, is to get your wife to let you play golf in exchange for giving up that indoor game he was participating in.

mimrem@dailyherald.com