Smith's comic 'Cop Out' aims criminally low

Kevin Smith apparently grew tired of people always identifying his 1995 comedy "Mall Rats" as the worst movie he ever directed.

Now, he has a new low.

It's called "Cop Out," and it's far worse than his previous worst.

In fact, the only thing more disappointing than Smith's anemic direction of this shallow and strained Hollywood action comedy is the screechy, juvenile screenplay riddled with dialogue clichés ("That's what I'm talkin' about!" "This is crazy!") and visual clichés (introducing characters by showing close-ups of their shoes) we've seen and heard many times before.

Smith can probably take comfort in the fact that unlike his earlier movies (among them "Clerks," "Dogma," "Chasing Amy" and "Zack and Miri Make a Porno"), he didn't write this one.

TV writers Mark Cullen and Robb Cullen did.

If they were smart, they'd enroll in Hollywood's Witless Protection Program and drop out of sight for a few years.

Bruce Willis, who used to be an actor before he put himself on action-star autopilot, plays Jimmy, a veteran New York police detective clocking nine years as the partner of an irritating, emo cop named Paul (Tracy Morgan, shamelessly mugging while apparently high on overacting steroids).

"Cop Out" instantly announces itself as a clueless cop comedy the moment Paul demands to interrogate a suspect by reciting tough-guy dialogue from crime films as Jimmy keeps a running tab on the movies he plagiarizes.

(Memo to the two Cullens: Never explain an in-movie reference to your viewers. It ruins the joke for the people who get it, and doesn't help the people who don't.)

Jimmy's daughter is getting married and he has agreed to pay for it: $48,000. His daughter's new wealthy stepdad (a wasted cameo by Jason Lee) wants to pick up the tab, but Jimmy's pride won't let him.

Besides, Jimmy has a vintage baseball card worth $80,000, and he intends to sell it to pay for the wedding.

But when Jimmy goes to a shop to unload his card, two masked dudes burst in with Tasers, zap Jimmy and steal everything they can see, including the valuable card.

One of the thugs, Dave, is played by Seann William Scott, who shows us what Stifler from the "American Pie" comedies might have turned into had he become a thief.

There's a certain sophomoric delight in witnessing how Dave torments Paul in a squad car scene by pulling every junior-high-school ploy he can think of, such as instantly repeating everything Paul says, and, when all else fails, attempting to tell a knock-knock joke.

Smith clearly knew the caliber of material he was dealing with, but instead of attempting to elevate the movie to his usual level of smart sophistication, opts to surrender to its relative badness.

He throws in some of the weakest slow-motion action scenes in recent memory, and doesn't seem to care that his thin characters are barely likable, or that his most dramatic moments pack all the danger and intrigue of a Tums commercial.

Look for stand-up comedian/actor Kevin Pollak playing another New York detective. His major contribution, outside of quick impressions, appears to be clapping sarcastically for the dubious achievements of Paul and Jimmy.

That's pretty much what "Cop Out" deserves, too.

"Cop Out"Rating: #9733;Starring: Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Kevin Pollak, Adam Brody Directed by: Kevin SmithOther: A Warner Bros. release. Rated R for language, sexual situations and violence. 110 minutes