Make civility part of shopping strategy

Black Friday looms at the end of this week, as the official start of the holiday shopping season.

The malls will be jammed with shoppers, some people will line up in the wee hours for early morning sales and deep discounts on hard-to-find items will be a nearly irresistible draw.

It serves as a precursor to the next four weeks when the joy and fun of gift-giving sometimes runs smack dab into the kind of angst and frustration we usually try to avoid the rest of the year.

And, it sometimes leads to some pretty uncivil behavior.

So before everyone shifts full-speed into holiday shopping mode, we have a suggestion: When you grab your gift idea list and head out the door, don't forget to take along a healthy dose of patience.

It's no secret Black Friday and holiday shopping can bring out the worst in us.

An extreme example was last year when a Long Island, N.Y., Walmart employee was trampled to death by what was described as an "out-of-control" mob of shoppers that smashed through the doors of the store. Several workers and shoppers, including a pregnant woman, were injured when they were knocked to the ground; some workers scurried atop vending machines to avoid the horde.

Closer to home, police had to break up an early-morning scuffle between teens in line outside Gurnee Mills.

Mostly, though, the frenzy manifests itself in parking space squabbles, poor treatment of retail employees and general grumpiness.

With long lines expected at cash registers because of staff cutbacks and more shoppers battling budget problems, there's plenty of reasons things could be even testier this year.

Drew Mjoen, a licensed clinical professional counselor from Libertyville, said people must recognize the anxiety of the situation and how easy it is to get caught up in bad behavior.

"Some people enjoy the day-after Thanksgiving experience and have a positive time, others don't," Mjoen said. "You need to take a personal assessment." He has some tips on playing nice with fellow shoppers and store employees.

• Go shopping with a friend. You'll be less likely to have an emotional reaction while with someone you know, rather than if you are alone.

• Have a safety plan. Include lunch in your schedule, or stop for coffee when you sense the pressure of shopping is too great.

• Give yourself and others a break. Set realistic goals for what you want to spend and accomplish on each shopping trip to minimize panic and frustration.

• Be strategic. If you get distressed shopping during peak times, visit stores and malls when crowds - and stress levels - are thinner.

Holiday shopping can be fun and rewarding when you start with the right attitude.