Shaky Cubs get rattled and rolled

If the Cubs weren't already embarrassed by their sub-. 500 record, they should be after Sunday's sixth inning.

"Rattled," was the word the White Sox used after their 6-0 victory in Comiskey Park.

As always, each team came into the latest edition of the Crosstown Classic hoping to jump-start a roll toward the playoffs.

The Sox did win the final two of the three-game series and are five behind first-place Detroit in the AL Central.

Ironically, the Cubs are closer to the NL Central lead but light-years from looking playoff-worthy.

"It wasn't a good game for us, period," Cubs manager Lou Piniella said.

Not playing well is one thing. Not playing like a professional baseball team is another.

The Cubs' most remarkable accomplishment over the weekend was making a team with Ozzie Guillen and A.J. Pierzynski look sane.

Piniella played for the Bronx Zoo Yankees three decades ago and now manages the Wrigleyville Zoo Cubs.

Meltdown, er, Milton Bradley, er, melted down Friday. Sunday he stood out in right field and might have thought, "And they think I'm nuts?"

Naturally, in the middle of the infield and the middle of the madness was Cubs alleged pitching ace Chaos, er, Carlos Zambrano.

This was Big Z being Big Z. This was the Bad Z instead of the Good Z. This was Zambrano being the Big Cra-Z instead of the Big Ea-Z.

"It wasn't one of his stellar games, no," Piniella said.

With Chris Getz on third base, the Sox were squeeze bunting in that sixth inning. The Cubs pitched out. Zambrano threw the pitch to the backstop instead of the catcher. The run scored.

Zambrano hit Dewayne Wise with his next pitch, inciting words between the two that nearly escalated into a brawl.

The Sox smartly allowed the umpires to handle the situation, and why not with the Cubs ready to implode anyway?

The Cubs misplayed a couple pop-ups - one in the outfield and one on an infield fly rule - that made them look like they were playing for the overall No. 1 pick in next June's entry draft.

Afterward, Zambrano explained himself as calmly as Bradley did the day before. Each was like one of those hockey goons who off the ice comes across like he's Amish.

"I don't know why he was like that," Zambrano said of Wise barking at him after the hit-by-pitch.

Later, Wise did say to the media that he did say to Zambrano, "That wasn't right."

We're talking about a pitcher who doesn't back down, so flames flared from the fire. But the matter was settled the old-fashioned way - Sox pitcher John Danks hit Cubs hitter Ryan Freel and that was that.

Judging by Sox manager Ozzie Guillen's assessment earlier in the day, Wise was wise to not tangle with Zambrano.

"Because of his size," Guillen said of Big Z. "I don't think you want to mess around with 6-5, 300 pounds."

So the fights were left to Cub and Sox fans in the stands, and they were more than willing to spice the last couple innings with a series of smackdowns.

Meanwhile, Sox fans sang "Hey-hey-hey, goodbye" as the Cubs left for Pittsburgh looking like all the fight was taken out of them.