Des Plaines father gives up cigarettes and liquor for his kids

Bipinchandra Patel knew merely preaching to his teenage children to make the right choices in life wouldn't work.

He had to show them by example.

The 49-year-old Des Plaines single father of two who had been a smoker for 20 years and drinking off and on for nearly eight years chose to quit both one fine day eight years ago.

That decision had a profound impact on Chandra's teenage daughter, Monica Patel, a recent graduate of Maine West High School.

When Monica Patel realized her father quit smoking and drinking for her and her brother Ankur, 19, it changed her perspective on life.

"He was a role model for us and he made a choice willingly to change himself," said Patel, now 18. "It really set an example for us and it just showed us how important we are as a family unit."

What follows is an edited version of an essay Monica Patel wrote about her father's influence on her choices.

I would like to share how I stayed drug and alcohol free throughout high school because of my relationship with my father.

As children grow up, it is only natural for them to want a certain distance from their parents. When that stage comes, it's time for parents to transition from making the choices to allowing their teens to make their own choices, with parents guiding them.

Since I was a child, my father established consequences for underage drinking, smoking and alcohol use in our house.

There was zero tolerance.

I agreed with my father on this point, but also believed that he should follow the same rule and be a role model.

In order to improve our relationship and be the role model his children needed, my father willingly made a change in himself and his habits. Because of this, he showed us what the right choices are in life.

Having a good relationship with your child is critical for their development.

There needs to be good communication, and most importantly, trust between the two. When my father first told me that he trusted me to use good judgment, it's a moment I will never forget.

When teens know that you trust them, they will think twice before doing something.

In order for parents to establish a good relationship with their teens, they need to let their teens know they are there. Parents need to spend time with their kids and have direct communication.

This shows that the parent is willing to try and understand the child.

It is necessary for parents to allow teens to voice their opinion on certain matters, and for the teens to know their parents are actually listening to them.

It is necessary for teens to know and see that their parents are involved in their lives. Instead of just coming for parent-teacher conferences, parents should show their support and go to awards programs, games, or presentations.

I hope to see that parent-teen relationships will improve in our community and that my peers will continue to make positive choices.

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