'Angels and Demons' a frantic, superficial thriller
What a pretentious pile of populist pablum.
"Angels & Demons," Ron Howard's frantic and superficial follow-up to his talky 2006 hit "The Da Vinci Code," races from one formula Hollywood cliché to the next, hoping that blinding narrative speed will compensate for drab, sketchy characters and a plot that could easily be mistaken for a chunk of Swiss cheese.
This film makes Nicolas Cage's "National Treasure" look like "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
Late in "Angels & Demons," a religious leader jumps out of a helicopter and parachutes into the Vatican where he is almost killed upon landing in St. Peter's Square.
Some people recognize him, where upon every person in St. Peter's Square breaks into spontaneous applause, as if they've been watching the movie along with us and know what the man has done.
Why the clapping? Is he an injured football player getting up from the gridiron?
I haven't read Dan Brown's book and knew nothing about the plot. Yet, 15 minutes into "Angels & Demons," I wrote the name of the mystery villain on a piece of paper and slipped it over to Chaz Ebert, sitting on my left.
Yep. "Angels & Demons" telegraphs the identity of its "surprise" villain by using the standard Hollywood setup I've written about for years:
1. Look for a major star stuck in a seemingly innocuous supporting role.
2. Spot a character whose goodness and virtues are constantly touted.
3. Determine who is the "trusted confidant" (best friend, mentor, protégé, teacher or unassailable authority figure). That will be the culprit at the end.
All this isn't to say that "Angels & Demons" is a boring movie.
That it isn't, not with all its spectacular, grisly murders, and its secret organization the Illuminati, a centuries-old terrorist group of "enlightened" artists and intellectuals out to destroy the Catholic Church.
Although the book "Angels & Demons" came before "The Da Vinci Code," this movie serves as sequel, picking up Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks, this time with a human hair style) following his rift with church leaders.
After the Pope dies, Langdon is summoned to the Vatican to help with an emergency. Four cardinals have been kidnapped, and one will be killed each hour until the finale when a tube of purloined antimatter will be used to destroy Vatican City!
Because the Vatican staffers are complete dummies about their own history, it falls to the superior-educated Langdon to save the cardinals by instantly deciphering ancient clues while zipping through narrow, crowded streets at breakneck speeds.
Langdon receives begrudging help from the steely Commander Richter (Stellan Skarsgard) of the Vatican's security force, the Swiss Guard. He also gets assistance from a hot antimatter scientist (Ayelet Zurer), who's primary function appears to be to break up the monotony of an all-male cast.
Former Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ewan McGregor, plays Camerlengo, the dutiful interim pope who wants to flush out the Illuminati. Meanwhile, Armen Mueller-Stahl slathers his ambitious Cardinal Strauss with ambiguous political cunning.
Almost as if apologizing for the jabbery slowness of "Da Vinci Code," Howard flogs this movie into narrative overdrive, pushing his characters so fast that they don't have time to establish meaningful relationships or say anything beyond functional dialogue needed to propel the plot.
You'd think an action thriller that bends over backward to reconcile godless science with proofless religion might offer a script with more appeal to gray matter.
Nope. Just anti.
<p class="factboxheadblack">"Angels & Demons"</p> <p class="News">One and a half stars</p> <p class="News"><b>Starring:</b> Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor, Ayelet Zurer, Stellan Skarsgard, Armen Mueller-Stahl</p> <p class="News"><b>Directed by:</b> Ron Howard</p> <p class="News"><b>Other:</b> A Columbia Pictures release. Rated PG-13 for violence. 138 minutes.</p> <object width="300" height="179"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/zzjv-GUEDfg&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/zzjv-GUEDfg&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="300" height="179"></embed></object>