My funniest questions often the ones I can't answer
Q. My husband is a Realtor, and a couple of years ago a friend gave us your book with the funniest questions you've received from readers. We keep looking for more in the column. Or are people just more sensible these days?
A. I think you may have to be in the real estate business to understand just how funny some of my mail is. I do read some of it to Realtor associations around the country; my talk is titled "Letters I Couldn't Print." But as a treat, if you like, here are a few recently received. Each one is the entire message. I answered every one personally, and I haven't changed a word except to take out some names.
Falling out
Edith, I own a home with my parents, and there was a slight falling out and (I) would like to move. How would I go about this? Or who would I talk to on more advice on this?
(He should be asking Ann Landers.)
No address
I just sent you a question and I'm not sure I included my full address. Bob
(That was the whole message.)
Dealing with bank
I am looking to purchase a home owned by a bank. I HEAR their money is federally insured up to 25 percent. Does this mean I can offer 25 percent less than asking price?
Moving out
Ms Lank: I'm selling my house and would like to know how long do I have to move out, or is this up to the buyer?
Who pays?
What percent of the purchase price does a buyer usually pay?
(All of it.)
And about fish
Edith, How long does a small fish live in a tank?
USA problems
Dear Edith, What is/are the current problem(s) of real estate in the USA?
(That one looks like somebody's homework assignment.)
Foreclosure problem
If you are facing foreclosure with your current home, how can you purchase a new home?
(With difficulty)
Getting paid to publish
I need my two brothers to cooperate with me to get my California Mortgage on my house. It is located in _____CA. A Salt Lake City, Utah, lawyer gave me title and proof of ownership by paper form. This form was through Publisher's Clearinghouse. Please how do I get this paper and Go On To Get my California Mortgage? Contact: ____@yahoo.com I would like to get paid to publish this through your paper. How do I do this?
(Darned if I know.)
Trains don't bother
Dear Edith: This house is close to railway tracks that have 30 trains a day on it. Train tracks are 60 to 70 yards away from the house, 2,000 square foot ranch - move in ready. What would you offer if the train didn't bother you?
Doesn't understand
Ms. Lank: I'm in the process of a property settlement and I paid off the mortgage and I was told that the interest doesn't count. I'm not understanding that. What should I do?
(I don't understand either)
Making payments
When I put my house up for sale do I have to keep paying on my loan?
(Good try, no cigars.)
How does it work
I have $170,000.00; buying a condo for rent under a new corp. Can the new corp pay me back my initial investment. HOW DOES THIS WORK?
(You got me.)
Not a contractor
Dear Edith: My husband built our home. He is not a contractor. How long do we have to live in the house before we can sell it?
(Feel free.)
Backing out
How long after signing a contract to purchase a new house do you have to back out of the contract?
(I have some bad news for you.)
Who told them that?
Edith, What law prevents someone from selling their house to a family member?
Out of money
Dear Edith: Do you think you could advise me if I sent you my paperwork? Lawyers are expensive and I am already out money.
Pleasant greeting
Ms. Lank: We refinanced in 2004 at 440,000.00 and owe 387 now and pay 950 a month extra on the principal more and it is a 30-year loan. 2004-2005 paid extra 450.00 a month 2006, 750.00 a month 2007, 950.00 a month interest rate 6 percent regular payment is 2638.02 principal and interest escrow 458.60 total 3096.62 that include taxes and insurance. When will our mortgage be paid off and thanks again for all your help and have a great day.
Anyone else who would like a copy of my book "I've Heard it All: Confessions of a Real Estate Columnist" can send a check for $20 to Edith Lank at 240 Hemingway Drive, Rochester, N.Y. 14620.
• Edith Lank, 240 Hemingway Drive, Rochester, N.Y. 14620 (please include a stamped return envelope), or readers may e-mail her at ehlank@aol.com.
2009, Creators Syndicate Inc.