Wood's old locker could be just a start

Let's see if we have this straight.

The Bulls haven't retired Norm Van Lier's number, but the Cubs reportedly will honor Kerry Wood by leaving his Wrigley Field locker vacant?

I'm not sure whether the Van Lier or Wood thing is wackier, though neither is as wacky as the Bears not retiring Mike Ditka's number, whistle and temper.

Chicago sports teams have the darnedest time figuring out whose careers to celebrate, and how to, and when to.

The White Sox might lead in absurdity. Remember, they planted Harold Baines' name on an upper-deck facade years before he retired and built a statue for Carlton Fisk even though he's Boston's very own.

Listen, teams can do what they want with their players' numbers, lockers, jockstraps, toenail clippings and empty beer cans.

But a little sanity would be appreciated.

The Van Lier situation is just nuts. The Bulls should have retired his No. 2 years ago, and after he died recently it's too late.

Bulls marketing guru Steve Schanwald was on Comcast's "Monsters in the Morning" last week and made a rare misstep trying to explain the team's rationale to Dan Jiggetts and Mike North.

All Schanwald did was muddle the waters.

Anyway, the Van Lier oversight is unfortunate, while leaving Wood's locker unoccupied is amusing.

The move is something to have fun with, and lord knows that having fun at the Cubs' expense is all you can do to keep from crying over them.

Like, what might be in Wood's old locker? The sling he too often had to wear on his pitching arm? The laundry he used in the infamous towel drill? Blades of grass from when he could throw on the side but not off a mound?

Better to leave the stall empty so we can peer into it and see what we want to see.

There would be the more than 200 victories a healthy Wood might have recorded by now, right next to the three or four World Series trophies the Cubs might have won.

There might be newspaper headlines like, "Kerry on! Wood strikes out all 27 batters in perfect game!" and "Wood wins Nobel Prize for pitching!"

Seriously, Wood was an entertaining adventure to have around Wrigley Field, from a 20-strikeout performance in 1998 to owning a townhouse on the disabled list.

Wood became a fan favorite essentially because he kept trying to fight back from being injured.

Which brings up Adam Greenberg, if the Cubs want to honor an unfortunate player.

There's a guy who was beaned in his only major-league at-bat. Heck, the Cubs should take his batting helmet, bronze it and mount it in Wood's vacant locker so players can touch it for luck on the way to the field.

Luck? Er, maybe not.

Instead the Cubs could buy off eBay for $1.38 the glove shortstop Andre "He Boots It" Rodgers used and display it in a glass case next to the hole in Adolfo Phillips' bat.

How about a whole wall of memorabilia, including an empty carton of Mark Grace's favorite smokes, a coupon Hector "The Calorie Collector" Villanueva used across the street at McDonald's and a Bartman -

No, no, no, let's not go there, folks, at least not until the White Sox build a statue to the inadvertent Cubs curse.

mimrem@dailyherald.com