Martin mars comically challenged 'Pink Panther' sequel

Movie trailers are notorious for ruining comedies by revealing all the really funny parts.

So what happens when a comedy doesn't have any really funny parts?

You get "The Pink Panther 2" trailers that string together a series of the least embarrassing bad moments to be had in a sequel that's almost as much of a 1960s cultural desecration as Steve Martin's 2006 remake.

For the second time, a miscast Martin takes over the role of the bungling French cop, Inspector Jacques Clouseau, a character originated by the immortal Peter Sellers in the 1963 "Pink Panther" and a kajillion sequels, including the best of the series, 1964's "A Shot in the Dark."

Sellers' secret to Clouseau was simple: He played the inspector as a well-meaning but thoroughly incompetent investigator whose flustered, flamboyant, physical pratfalls masked an underlying inferiority complex constantly being suppressed and denied.

Martin, on the other hand, plays Clouseau as an arrogant nincompoop who not only lacks any aspect of an inferiority complex, he becomes downright disdainful of anyone who might prove to be more adept than he.

Movie reviews are required to tell a little bit about the plot, so let's get it out of the way, shall we?

Someone has been stealing all the greatest artifacts on earth, among them the Shroud of Turin and the Pink Panther, the greatest diamond ever mined. Bowing to pressure, Chief Inspector Dreyfus (a slumming John Cleese in a hard fall from his "Monty Python" glory days) orders the creation of a Dream Team: the greatest detectives in the world. They include Andy Garcia as Vicenzo, Alfred Molina as Pepperidge, Yuki Matsuzaki as Kenji and the drop-dead gorgeous Aishwarya Rai Bachchan as Sonia. Clouseau? Through the requirements of the plot, he's on the team, too.

As directed by Dutch filmmaker Harald Zwart (known primarily as the director of the comically inert "Agent Cody Banks"), "PP2" goes down an assembly line of almost mechanical comic set pieces.

Take an early scene where Martin's Clouseau, about to topple a tall wine rack in a restaurant, catches the falling bottles one at time, passing each off to a nearby man who passes it off to another man, until the entire room is filled with people passing wine bottles to each other like a conga line.

In the hands of a Charlie Chaplin or even Jackie Chan, the bit would have been a blast of laughing gas. Not here. The precise and efficient handoffs are so stilted and rehearsed, the scene runs out of gas.

Emily Mortimer plays the thankless role of Nicole, an office worker and object of Clouseau's arctic affections. Jeremy Irons pops in as the presumed villain behind the international thefts. Lily Tomlin pumps a little humor into her role as a corporate coach out to rid Clouseau of his suddenly sexist and racist utterances. Jean Reno takes up valuable screen space as Ponton, Clouseau's personality-challenged partner.

"This is so funny!" Martin declares, as if trying to convince viewers.

Clouseau. But no cigar.

<p class="factboxheadblack">"The Pink Panther 2"</p> <p class="News">One and a half stars</p> <p class="News"><b>Starring: </b>Steve Martin, Jean Reno, John Cleese, Emily Mortimer, Andy Garcia, Alfred Molina, Lily Tomlin, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan </p> <p class="News"><b>Directed by:</b> Harald Zwart</p> <p class="News"><b>Other:</b> A Columbia Pictures release. Rated PG. 92 minutes</p>