It's Vikings vs. aliens in cheesy sci-fi thriller 'Outlander'
"Outlander," a really outlandish movie, takes us deep into the somber Scandinavian forests and rivers of the Age of Iron and of the iron men called Vikings.
There, accompanied by the eerie sound of exploding clichés, a UFO crashes into a lake, disgorging two aliens: James Caviezel as the oddly human-looking Kainan, and the Moorwen, a blood-crazed dragon-like beast that will soon be wreaking havoc all around the countryside.
Eventually, the monster and Kainan, who learns Old Norse miraculously fast with a Rosetta stone-ish device he claps on his ear, will have the local Vikings longing for the days when the only things they had to worry about were an occasional massacre, loose axe-blades, snails in the mead and crowd safety at Viking funerals.
"Outlander" is a visually spectacular but dramatically cheesy sci-fi gorefest with a surprisingly good cast headed by Caviezel, Sophia Myles, John Hurt and Ron Perlman. They're trapped in an oddball story that dubiously tries to mix "War of the Worlds"-style alien invasion shockers with heroic Icelandic and Norse literary epics and "Beowulf."
Aaargh! Rothgar! What a concept! Monsters from outer space vs. lusty Viking warriors!
Fire-breathing extraterrestrials attack carousing, battle-hardened, mead-quaffing sword-slingers! "Predator" vs. "The Vikings!"
The fort burns up! Wenches scream! Adorable kids hide!
Brave Kainan (Caviezel) flirts with feisty wench-princess Freya (Miles), while fighting the blazing outer space marauder with the aid of hot-tempered Wulfric (Jack Huston, grandson of John), reckless Gunnar (Perlman) and wise old Rothgar (John Hurt, for God's sake!).
Isn't that the kind of picture you've been dying to see?
Probably only in a moviemaking world, where marketing hooks can be more important than scripts, would we end up with something like this.
Give writer-director Howard McCain (no grandson to his John) some credit. McCain does most of "Outlander" with a straight face and he's even had Icelandic scholars translate part of his dialogue into Old Norse (a movie first), and had the actors sometimes speak it.
With a straight face.
Yet, though "Outlander" isn't exactly "Plan Viking from Outer Space," it might be more entertaining if it were. I wouldn't have minded a cheapo-nutso movie that blended Ed Wood's honest-to-gosh flying saucers with dippy Scandinavian heroes out of some Guy Maddin pastiche.
Unfortunately there's a loony sobriety to "Outlander" that tends to kill any real chance for subversive laughs.
And it's positively hurtful to see a consummate actor like Hurt, whom I recently re-watched, with much delight, doing his great mad performance as Caligula in "I Claudius," wandering around in animal skins trying to duck alien-flames and match-make between Kainan and Freya, while Wulfric burns.
Aaargh! Rothgar!
"Outlander"
Rating: Two stars
Starring: James Caviezel, Sophia Myles, Ron Perlman, John Hurt
Directed by: Howard McCain
Other: A Rated R for violence. 115 minutes