Holiday not always joy for survivors
It's natural to think of gatherings at home and being with family during the holiday season. For most people this is an enjoyable annual tradition that they look forward to. But for survivors of sexual assault and incest, the holidays can be a difficult and stressful time of year. Unfortunately, their home and family might be the very things that make the holidays burdensome.
The holidays regularly include "mandatory" get togethers with seldom seen family members with whom socialization is minimal. Occasionally, the family is the place where a survivor was not supported during her (or his) ordeal, making intimate gatherings strenuous and painful.
While it may be more "comfortable" for people to think that most sexual assaults are perpetrated by "unknown strangers" or random attackers, in truth the vast majority (85 percent) of all sexual assaults are committed by someone the survivor knows and trusts.
For obvious reasons, those who have been assaulted or molested by a family member don't enjoy spending time with them. By having to see people they might otherwise avoid, survivors are often triggered into remembering aspects of their abuse that might not be an issue other times of the year. As a result, depression may be more pronounced and anxiety levels higher as these individuals are faced with reminders of painful incidents and occurrences.
If you are a survivor facing the holidays with something less than excitement and anticipation, remember to set realistic goals for yourself about what you can and cannot handle regarding family gatherings. It's OK to say no and to be assertive about your needs and concerns. But try not to focus on the negative aspects of the coming season. Instead make a list of the things you are looking forward to doing and the people whom you are looking forward to seeing.
If you know a survivor who is facing a difficult holiday season, you can help to reduce their trauma by simply being there for them and listening to their fears and concerns. The key is to be respectful of their feelings and supportive of how difficult this time of year can be.
Remember that Zacharias Sexual Abuse Center's (formerly LaCASA) hotline 847.872.7799 and Web site www.ZachariasCenter.org are always available when things become too stressful. Our counselors and advocates offer many services that could ease some of the difficulties that may arise this upcoming holiday season.
Torrie Flink
Executive Director
Zacharias Sexual Abuse Center (formerly LaCASA)
Gurnee