Parents can't afford this mistake

Many parents, we're sure, can sympathize with Val Evalen of Northbrook. He wanted to be the nice dad. He wanted to treat his 18-year-old daughter and her friends like adults. He thought he was in control.

Unfortunately for him, he wasn't. And while he disputes much of what the Northbrook police accuse of him doing - allowing teens to consume alcohol during a party at his home - he does admit to making a mistake.

"I understand what I did wrong in that I let my daughter throw a party and kids sneaked in alcohol," he told Daily Herald reporter Lee Filas.

Evalen, 49, will have his day in court. And he can plead his case. But there is no disputing this fact: he is lucky none of those kids who "sneaked in alcohol" ended up dead or injured after they left his house. The fact of the matter is, he and all other parents of teenagers can't make these kinds of mistakes.

A Deerfield couple made that mistake and two teens were killed in a car crash. A Hanover Park mom made that mistake and it led to a teenager accidentally drowning. Those are just two high-profile examples in which those parents served time in jail.

We find ourselves doing this kind of editorial fairly regularly. While teenagers are oftentimes accused of not learning from others' mistakes, unfortunately we also find their parents don't either. Please, parents of teens, learn something from Val Evalen.

He said, "How can I search each and every person that walked in? How can I practically check everyone? I mean, I can't open every bottle of water to check and see if there's alcohol."

You get help. You ask relatives or friends or parents of your daughters' friends to come over and help you chaperone. You make every kid take their coat and shoes off and drop all water bottles at the door.

You monitor the party. They need to know you are checking on them. (Evalen said he didn't go into the basement to respect his daughter's privacy.) You don't let kids come and go. You don't let more kids enter your house than you can keep track of (there were 60-70 kids at this party).

You set the rules. You keep it under control.

Perhaps parents should listen to Cameron Clapp. He speaks to high school students - most recently in Glen Ellyn, Lombard, Lisle and Naperville - about the dangers of drinking alcohol or doing drugs.

At 22, Clapp is a triple amputee, the result of a drunken binge at the age of 15. Too drunk to notice where he was, he fell asleep on some railroad tracks. He woke up with both legs and his right arm amputated.

His message to the suburban teens: You must realize that actions have consequences.

"Tell yourselves," he said, " I want to think before I do pretty much anything."

He added: "We know this is a result of my poor decision-making."

Cameron Clapp wasn't a bad kid. He made a very poor decision. And Val Evalen isn't a bad person or even a bad parent. He made a very poor decision. Parents and teens can learn much from both of them.