Work the bugs out of online dating
We have all heard the stories: Boy meets girl, they like each other, they date, get engaged, get married.
But when boy meets girl in cyberspace, things can be a tad tricky.
As you redefine your online persona again and again - while tirelessly culling through the winks, flirts, nods and whatever else can land up in your profile inbox these days - you begin to wonder if the holy grail is really out there: a long-term relationship, possibly resulting in marriage, born of the Internet.
Fortunately there is living proof that the end goal exists. And not only does proof exist, she is teaching a class at Harper College in Palatine on Friday, Nov. 14, called "Online Dating: Be Safe, Smart, Successful."
The class - a how-to course on landing your dream guy or gal through online dating - is taught by Ava Whaley. Whaley spent two years on various online dating sites, and she learned how to push past the losers, procrastinators, baggage handlers and liars on the road to meeting the man who became her husband.
The class draws a mix of those in the dating scene.
"There are those who have been online and are frustrated," Whaley says. "and others who have not and are trying to prepare themselves."
With all of the books, articles and how-to information about online dating out there, it can get confusing. "It is an amalgamation of all the info out there, as well as interaction," Whaley says of her class. "I am giving firsthand experience, the class attendees are getting experience from each other and they get to exchange ideas."
So what advice does Whaley give her students?
"Know yourself, what is important to you and your priorities," she says. "You have to pinpoint what you must have and what you can compromise on."
Most people have an ideal mate in mind. Yet in the world of online dating, or online "meeting" as Whaley calls it, it's hard to find that ideal.
It's easy to chalk it all up to Mr. or Ms. Right just not being out there, but expectations and preconceived ideas might well be the problem.
"The broader you can cast your net, the more likely you are to meet someone," Whaley says. The idea is to concentrate on the qualities you find most important and be more flexible on others.
Yet even before you start casting your net, there is the little, or rather monstrous, task of creating an online profile.
"Do not get into the trap of saying what everyone else is saying," Whaley advises. "If you see something similar in 40 out of 50 other profiles, just do not use it."
Since profiles are a major part of the online meeting experience, Whaley not only covers them in her course, but she also offers to review and help revise them.
Whaley's class does not just stop at the computer keyboard. It goes beyond to cover the jump from e-mail flirtation to meeting face-to-face.
"You know nothing about the person," Whaley says. "Take it offline ASAP. The longer an e-mail relationship lasts, the longer your hopes get built up unrealistically. It is a great way to meet people; it is not a great way to date people."
Through her experiences and those of her friends, Whaley has learned that dating online takes a commitment.
"You have to be committed to putting in the time to do it - writing, answering and meeting people," she said. "It's an investment of energy and time."