Grieving parents remind us why we have to get it right

The note certainly got my attention:

"Oftentimes," it began, "a mistake is a mistake. Occasionally, a mistake can cause pain."

It was from Deirdre Darr, who participated in a weekend walk at Edward Hospital in Naperville in memory of children who had died at birth. She and husband Ben lost their first child just eight weeks prior, during Deirdre's 37th week of pregnancy. They had named their daughter, Keenan.

We were covering the walk, and the Darrs talked to our reporter, who wrote a thoughtful, sensitive story on the walk, aimed at raising money to build a memory garden for stillborn children. But our story had what some might consider a minor mistake, a typo perhaps. By omitting one letter, Keenan became a "he" in our story.

The Darrs, who live in Plano, outside our circulation area, eagerly went online to read the story they had shared with us. But when Deirdre saw the mistake, she felt as if she'd had the wind kicked out of her. She also feared that it "reinforces the attitude in our society that stillborn babies are somehow less real, less important, and, in this case, not worth the efforts of fact checking."

We fixed the error online, and a correction should appear on Page 4 of today's paper. But I hope this will serve as a reminder for all of us (I'm sending a copy of this column to everyone on my staff) of the importance of getting it right. There are many people who have no or limited contact with the media. So on the rare occasion we put them in the news, let's not taint it by misspelling their names or getting some basic fact wrong - especially if it's under trying or tragic circumstances.

Deirdre Darr wanted me to know that she wasn't angry with us for the mistake. In fact, she was eager for the chance to talk again about Keenan.

And, there's a part of her story that hasn't been told.

Losing Keenan caught the Darrs off-base; it had been an uneventful pregnancy. One morning, though, Ben and Deirdre went through their morning ritual: Ben would put his head on Deirdre's stomach and listen for Keenan's kick. Nothing there, and the same result 40 minutes later. Only mildly alarmed, Deirdre called her doctor who suggested they get to the hospital. Even then, Deirdre was sure they'd be sent home laughing - overly worried, first-time parents.

But after the doctor checked for Keenan's heartbeat, Deirdre says she saw all she needed to know in the doctor's face: Keenan was gone.

The Darrs are grateful they have their faith and a good support system to help them work through their grief. But they still needed more, and trolled the Web, looking for anything they could find on stillbirths. They encountered the Walk to Remember at Edward Hospital, and thought that a fitting way to remember their daughter. A host of friends and family joined them.

The medical reasons for Keenan's death were important, too. Deirdre learned she might have a blood-clotting disorder. But it's easily treatable, and when she next becomes pregnant (yes, that's in the Darrs' plans), she'll just need to take blood thinners. Without Keenan, though, a potentially life-threatening condition might have gone undetected.

"There's no way we could have known," says Deirdre, noting that Keenan's death, "might have saved my life in some way."

jdavis@dailyherald.com