Raising awareness about domestic abuse

Brenda Spivey called police only twice during a decade of abuse at the hands of her then-husband.

"Both times the officer told me to grow up," she recalls. "And the second time, one of the officers said, 'What the hell is the matter with you? He should have you locked up because you look crazy.'"

She finally mustered enough courage 17 years ago to gather up her children and leave her husband in the South suburb where she lived. Spivey ended up in Naperville. When her husband angrily confronted her after she began divorce proceedings, she reluctantly called police again, expecting to be ridiculed and mocked.

"They responded to the call, and they said things to me that I was totally not used to hearing," Spivey said. "The officer gave me a family shelter hotline card, and that's why I live here (in DuPage County) now, I kid you not."

Stories like that don't surprise DuPage County Judge Robert Anderson. A longtime representative of the DuPage County Family Violence Coordinating Council, Anderson has seen the organization help local law enforcement adopt policies and practices that are specific to domestic violence cases.

"There are issues that normally don't crop up in regular-type cases," Anderson said. "These are people who are tied together financially, there may be children involved, there are all sorts of reasons why the case doesn't end with a visit from police."

The council is made up of members from the legal community, law enforcement, social workers, ministers and other agencies. The group is holding its annual symposium Friday to discuss the best law enforcement practices for domestic violence cases as part of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

"DuPage has been on the cutting edge in this area, and we have a protocol that is very distinct," Anderson said. "We have this wonderful system in Dupage that can always get better."

Among the advances the group has implemented in handling domestic abuse cases is creating a directory of translators in the county to help police communicate between both sides. In the past, police often relied on children at the home to translate for them.

Anderson said the DuPage court system sees more than 2,300 domestic abuse cases each year; more than 1,000 orders of protection are requested by victims annually.

A number of agencies will also be holding events throughout the month as part of the annual awareness campaign. Wheaton-based Family Shelter Service is holding another symposium Oct. 22 at the College of DuPage focusing on men's roles in ending violence toward women. Executive Director Karen Kuchar said the complexities of domestic violence cases require support from various facets of the community. She's pleased to see how important the issue has become for law enforcement.

"It's not that you have this fight and people can walk away," Kuchar said. "There's a complicated set of circumstances that occur long afterward. The victim needs support and the abuser needs to be helped. The role of police can't be to tell someone to walk around the block and cool off like in the old days."

Spivey's experience in getting out of her abusive marriage spawned her interest in helping others do the same. She now does speaking engagements and volunteers at agencies that work with battered women.

"Things have really changed," she said. "I work with United Way, Family Shelter Service, Focus Ministries, universities, and I'll do anything for the DuPage County court system. I also go down to Springfield quite a bit to help lobby."

Even at her job as a secretary at a middle school she can spot trouble with teenage relationships and intervenes if necessary.

"I used to be at a high school and I conducted a group for about five years there," she said. "At the middle school level you are confined in what you can say and do, but I'll talk to the girls and sometimes I'll talk to the guys."

For Spivey, the history of spousal abuse was long and varied. She said it started with verbal attacks early in the relationship and one day, about five years into the marriage, it got physical.

"All I remember was seeing stars," she said. "I thought it was just like that in cartoons, but you really do see stars."

It would escalate from there, she said. It was a slow process at first, but eventually the physical attacks became routine.

Spivey doesn't like to talk about the day she finally decided to leave.

"It was bad," she said. "I stayed up all night to make sure I was alive in the morning. Then I was gone."

Anderson said just about the only thing typical in domestic abuse cases is the abuse. There are nuances to every incident that make each case different.

"We have a really broad range of practices in handling these cases," he said. "We want people to know there are resources they can take advantage of even if they choose not to prosecute. Domestic violence is about power and control, and often people who are victims are isolated and don't have a support system. We want them to know there is a support system out there."