C'mon, this party doesn't deserve this

So, Chicago city officials reportedly asked Wrigleyville bars to suspend alcohol service during the final three innings when the Cubs have a chance to clinch something.

They're talking about a division series, a league championship series and the World Series.

(My goodness, imagine that, "the Cubs" and "World Series" in the same alphabet.)

Anyway, do I have this correct? Fans who cried in their beers over the Cubs during their entire adult lives would have to sit without one while waiting for the biggest celebration of all?

Assuming that's correct, after the Cubs hadn't won a pennant for 62 years and a world championship for 100 years -

FANS WHO ENJOY DRINKING WOULD HAVE TO TAKE AN HOUR OFF FROM HAVING A COLD ONE, HARD ONE OR ANY OTHER ONE OF CHOICE!!!!

(In related stories, the pope proposed banning prayer in the Vatican on Sunday mornings, and Hollywood asked movie theaters to shut down on Saturday nights.)

Seriously, folks, I know the problems posed by demon alcohol. As I grow older, more conservative and less thirsty, it wouldn't bother me if beer and booze were prohibited from all ballparks in America.

But not this. Not prohibition in bars outside Wrigley Field. Not on a day when the Cubs might finally accomplish something bigger than an attendance record. The next thing you know, someone will pass a law making it illegal to buy drinks for a vet returning home from Iraq.

I understand the rationale behind limiting alcohol consumption late in a monumental Cubs or White Sox victory.

(Yes, the way I read it, bars around Comiskey Park also are being asked to suspend service for the final three innings of a possible Sox clincher.)

Let's face it. Sports fans can be dangerous celebrants. College campuses especially are prone to happy violence after classmates win a championship. Major cities also have experienced problems in the streets after a significant victory, including cars, trash cans and heads of hair set afire.

Chicago? I don't know. I was in Houston when the Sox won the 2005 World Series but don't recall hearing about too much nasty stuff happening back here.

Oh, sure, minor incidents occasionally occur. Some did after the Bulls won some of their titles. But most of it is good-natured fun, like it was Saturday after the Cubs clinched the division.

Even if something ugly does break out - hey, deal with it.

It'll be good practice in case Chicago gets the 2016 Olympics. You wouldn't want to deprive people of drinking during the final hour of the pingpong competition.

If the Cubs win the World Series - there's that incomprehensible sequence of words again - we're talking a once-in-a-century event.

If Cubs fans want to get blotto, they earned the hangover. If they proceed to break laws - vandalism, drunken driving, whatever - cuff them.

However, don't penalize these people in advance. Not after they haven't had anything meaningful to celebrate since the 1945 pennant.

This party would be a perfect example of making up for lost time, wouldn't it?

But if this ban becomes precedent, New Orleans might get the crazy idea of shutting down the French Quarter for an hour on Fat Tuesday.

mimrem@dailyherald.com