No good seats on planes

Did you hear about the passengers on a United Airlines flight heading to San Francisco from Seattle who suddenly found themselves with a whole lot of legroom without playing extra? Unfortunately, the people behind them paid dearly for virtually no legroom. Here's what happened. On takeoff, a bolt securing a row of coach seats broke off and the three passengers seated there found themselves flying backward into the row behind them. Unfortunately, one person took it on the limb and was injured and the flight was forced to return to Seattle.

Free-flying seats might be the only thing free about flying these days, but they aren't necessarily the best seat on the plane. In fact, when it comes to flying, picking your seat is often more difficult than picking your friends. Here's why.

Window seats: Window seats used to be coveted. But that was when middle seats flew virtually empty and passengers used them for storage.

When Doug Wood flew, he used to always request a window seat. Not anymore. The last time Doug flew, his window seat was in the back row next to the lavatories. His view was of a large, noisy jet engine. Doug felt like he had lost most of his senses. He couldn't see anything. He couldn't hear anything. But he sure could smell something. Doug said the airline should have paid him to sit in that row.

Doug isn't the only one to give up on window seats. Diane Nill used to love to sit by the window. She felt it was more private and more relaxing on a long flight. But that was before the legroom got so narrow. Now, according to Diane, the window seat is more like a prison cell.

"Getting out of it is like breaking out of jail," said Diane. "You have to practically be a gymnast and the other passengers seated next to me get so angry, I get all stressed out."

Middle seats: According to frequent flier Bob Hunt, passengers seated in the middle seats are invisible. If you're the unlucky stiff who gets stuck there, you'll probably find yourself between two halfbacks who talk across you. And since they don't consider you there, they'll claim the armrests and give you the squeeze.

Aisle seats: Aisle seats give you room to breathe, but seated in one, you're living on the edge. Stretch your leg into the aisle without checking for oncoming traffic and you can expect a permanent crease in your wingtip when the beverage cart rolls over it.

Of course there are the window exits where you get more legroom. But if there's a window exit behind you, you forfeit the ability to recline your seat. And there are the bulkhead seats where you don't have to deal with a passenger lowering his head into your lap so you can count the moles on his head. But even that row has reduced the foot space to where it's difficult to sit with your feet facing forward without stubbing your toes.

Short of first class, there's no good place to sit on an aircraft, which brings us back to that flight where the seats took off on their own.

Maybe the airlines should literally start selling their seats. It could be a whole new source of revenue for the carriers.

They could secure passengers to the fuselage with straps and sell "standing-room-only" tickets. Nobody would be stuck in a middle seat. And when the flight attendant announces, "Please take your seats," you could actually do it - for a fee.

Gail Todd, a free-lance writer,worked as a flight attendant for more than 30years. She can be reached via e-mail at gailtodd@aol.com.