On the bill for Chicago?

In the spirit of Bill Murray, who's taking a (literal) leap of faith to support the USO at the Chicago Air & Water Show, here are some other stunts we'd like to see happen in the Windy City:

Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut face off against Mayor Richard M. Daley in a Chicago-style hot-dog-eating contest, with all the trimmings (mustard, onion, relish, pickle, tomatoes, sport peppers and, of course, celery salt). Hold the ketchup!

To prove they really are animal lovers and not just vapid celebs who pose for photos with trendy pocket pooches and exotic kinkajous, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears clean cages at the Anti-Cruelty Society.

Chicago Bears kick returner Devin Hester, carrying a sack containing $100,000, runs down a city street lined with people. Catch him and the money is yours (and probably an NFL job offer, too).

Michael Jordan returns to basketball to play on the U.S. Dream Team - IF Chicago gets to host the 2016 Olympic Games.

Oprah Winfrey joins the Windy City Rollers and challenges Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray and Paula Deen to a roller derby to determine who's queen of TV and magazines.

Brainless network executives reunite Steppenwolf Theatre ensemble members John Malkovich, Laurie Metcalf, Joan Allen, Terry Kinney, John Mahoney and Gary Sinise for the new celebreality TV mashup "So You Think You Can Survive the Real World While Dancing With a Fifth Grader."

Daily Herald staff members Scott Morgan, Jim Davis, Tom Quinlan, Susan Klovstad, Dave Oberhelman and Deborah Donovan contributed to this story.