'Tomb' should be a fitting finale for the 'Mummy' movies

At the most ludicrous point in "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor," an abominable snowman protects the heroes from villainous Chinese soldiers on a snowy mountain top by drop-kicking a soldier over a building equipped with what appears to be a goal post.

Another abominable snowman throws his arms in the air as if to signify a touchdown.

Wait a second! Did those wacky Wayans brothers make another "Scary Movie" sendup?

Nope. It's just Rob "Fast and the Furious" Cohen directing a nearly incoherent sequel to two entertaining pop adventure tales, "The Mummy" (1999) and "The Mummy Returns" (2001), both directed by Stephen Sommers.

In "Tomb," Cohen never finds a consistent footing with the narrative tone, which ranges from goofball parody to a straight rip-off of the Indiana Jones adventures. "Tomb," written by the team of Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, offers no internal logic to create the necessary willing suspension of disbelief, and it quickly devolves into a calamitous series of digitally created, nonstop action sequences punctuated by Rick O'Connell's refrain of "Go, go, go!"

The increasingly underrated Brendan Fraser reprises his role as Rick, who along with his wife, Evelyn (a British-accented Mario Bello stepping in for Rachel Weisz), have become the Nick and Nora Charles of 1946. Bored by their retirement, they jump at the chance to deliver the rare "Eye of Shanghai" diamond to a Chinese museum where their now-grown son Alex (a handsome tree trunk named Luke Ford) has displayed his latest archeological find: a statue of the mythical Dragon Emperor.

More than 2,000 years ago, the Dragon Emperor (martial arts superstar Jet Li) double-crossed a witch (Michelle Yeoh) in his quest for immortality. Although "Tomb" spends about 1,000 years explaining this plot setup in a ponderous pre-titles sequence, I'm still not sure exactly how he and his team of fiery-eyed horses come to life.

But they do, and they take off through the streets of the city chased by Rick, Alex, Evelyn, her brother John (John Hannah) and a tough, 2,000-year-old martial arts missy named Lin (Isabella Leong), who's also the wronged witch's illegitimate daughter. (Even though there's a huge festival going on, there are no people actually on the streets to hinder the chase with run-over bodies.)

The heroes pursue the Dragon Emperor as he tries to find the legendary city of Shangri-La where he can finally become immortal - he's not already? - awaken his ancient armies and take over the earth. Lin shouts warnings such as, "If the Emperor places the Eye up there, all will be lost!" Then the movie goes on to make a liar out of her after the Emperor does place the Eye up there and all turns out to be not-so-lost by the end credits.

As Alex's Uncle John, Hannah strives to supply comic relief with strained lines such as, "I hate mummies! They don't play fair!"

Bello, usually the highlight of any film she's in, works her well-proportioned fanny off as Rick's novelist wife and fellow mummy fighter, but she makes a cold and unconvincing action heroine in a movie that shamelessly rips off Indiana Jones, from the duplicitous trusted partner ("Kingdom of the Crystal Skull") to the climbing-under-the-truck stunt ("Raiders of the Lost Ark") to the opulent Asian nightclub sequence ("Temple of Doom").

Finally, you gotta feel bad for Jet Li.

The Hong Kong action hero has already played second banana to a white teenager who saves ancient China in "The Forbidden Kingdom." Now the poor guy is stuck in a movie where he turns into digital monsters most of the time or pretends to be the Human Torch.

When he does actually fight, the scenes have been so heavily edited that they could make a complete spaz look like a personal combat master.

What has happened to the "art" in martial arts?

"The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor"

Rating: 1½ stars (out of four)

Starring: Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, Michelle Yeoh, John Hannah, Luke Ford

Directed by: Rob Cohen

Other: A Universal Pictures release. Rated PG-13 for violence. 112 minutes.

<div class="infoBox"> <h1>More Coverage</h1> <div class="infoBoxContent"> <div class="infoArea"> <h2>Video</h2> <ul class="video"> <li><a href="/multimedia/?category=1&type=video&item=187">Dann Gire's video review of latest 'Mummy' </a></li> </ul> </div> </div> </div>