Pilot's antics shouldn't fly with management

Did you hear about the flight that canceled out of Salt Lake City because the pilot was too upset to fly?

Apparently, the captain of a United Airlines flight scheduled to fly from Salt Lake City to Denver got into an altercation in the gate area. According to rumor, some other pilot wanted him to lose the hat as a statement against management policy, but instead he lost his head. And after he lost control, he refused to take the controls.

I'll bet there were a few passengers who had control issues as well while waiting for their pilot to feel up to the task.

I never think of pilots as being ultra-sensitive, but many of them are ultra-unusual.

Take the American Airlines pilot a few years ago who took his announcement to "prepare for departure and cross check" a little too literally. The announcement reminds flight attendants to check the locked position of their assigned door as well as the one on the opposite side of the aircraft.

But this pilot took "cross check" a bit further by finding out how many Christians were on the flight. He requested a show of hands and asked all those who believed in the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost to chat with their seatmates about their faith. Talk about a religious experience.

A few years ago, there was a pilot who loved to announce the wrong destination for his flights. No matter where he was flying, he told passengers they were headed for San Jose. Then he hummed the tune "Do You Know the Way to San Jose?" Just as everyone panicked and hit their call buttons, he announced he was kidding and gave the actual destination and flying time.

There was another pilot who used to entertain passengers by playing his harmonica over the public address system. Every time he crossed the Continental Divide he played "America the Beautiful." His name was John Beck and he was one of the grizzly old World War II pilots who believed flying made them godlike.

John was a devil of a person but he flew like an angel. I met John on my maiden flight in 1966. He summoned me to the cockpit and told me he liked his coffee the way he liked his women - sweet and hot. Then he handed me an empty cup and told me to fill it with vodka and bring him a linen napkin.

The idea that my pilot might be flying in more ways than one was a bit disconcerting. But not wanting to face his wrath, I returned with his straight-up martini. Without so much as a grunt, John poured the vodka onto the napkin and cleaned his windshield and all his airplane dials. Then he threw the cup and the napkin at me. He might not have had the most sparkling personality, but his cockpit shone.

John was the Paul Bunyan of pilots. After a layover in Phoenix he showed up for the flight with his own interpretation of a blue ox in tow: a Mexican burro. He bought it in Arizona for his grandson and refused to have it ride as cargo. When the flight departed, almost all the passengers had been removed from the first class cabin due to "weight restrictions." Only one passenger remained. He was a true jackass.

On another of John's flights, during the days when smoking was allowed, a passenger lit up a cigar, something that was never allowed. When he refused to put it out, John put him out.

The plane made an unscheduled landing in a cornfield and one passenger was left with a stogie hanging from his open mouth.

Today, many of John's antics would have been grounds for dismissal. But he was always in control.

For a pilot to cancel a flight because he lost his cool should cause some hot discussions with the management. It just shouldn't fly.

Gail Todd, a free-lance writer,worked as a flight attendant for more than 30years. She can be reached via e-mail at gailtodd@aol.com.