HGH all-stars? All you really have to do is look

Nobody looks for revenue streams with as much gusto as Bud Selig, so he's bound to like this idea.

Rather than call it the "All-Star Game,'' commissioner, why not rename it the "HGH Game,'' sell the rights to a pharmaceutical company, and make a killing?

Not to pick on baseball here, because without a reliable blood test in pro sports, you have to believe human growth hormone use is widespread throughout all the professional leagues.

In fact, more than a few e-mails wondered, as did we the past week, if some goings-on in professional tennis aren't just a little bit suspicious these days.

Nevertheless, it was difficult not to laugh Monday morning when perusing the list of all-stars from both leagues.

Of the 64 names penciled in for the Midsummer Classic at the moment, I counted about 21 HGH suspects.

That's actually encouraging when you think about it. At one point, you had to figure 40 percent of players were using steroids, and if only a third of the all-stars appear to be on HGH, the percentage of all players on enhancers probably is less than a quarter.

So MLB is making progress, but the players are also still doing it, and we put the HGH users into the following, easy-to-see categories:

Young players rarely mentioned in the minors or majors until just the last year or two, who suddenly are the best at their positions.

Mid-career players who lost a ton of weight and yet got stronger, reviving their careers just when it seemed that new contracts and big-money days might be over for them.

Players who've struggled with injuries but are now healthy and performing better than they ever have during their major-league careers, especially now in contract years.

Players who always looked a bit pudgy but are now in astounding shape, and coincidentally, having monster seasons.

Human growth hormone is mainly used in the off-season, so it's no shock that so many players come back looking different from October to March.

But if you have one decent eye and roughly half a brain, you know this is occurring, and you can guess the players who might fall into these groups.

Yet, during the all-star break, we'll hear over and over again from Selig about how drug testing has cleaned up baseball.

Now, it is better than it used to be, and they are at least testing for the basics.

On the other hand, baseball was no less than a decade late getting to it, and the game will undoubtedly stall any test for HGH, even as it says it's paying to help find one.

In the meantime, pontificating about how he repaired a broken game is perhaps the wrong approach, though never let it be said that Bud Selig can't revise history with the best of them.

A more meaningful avenue might be admitting MLB was complicit in the drug-tainted era, that the game is trying now, doing what reliable tests and the players association allow it to do, and that they'd be foolish to think some players aren't skirting the rules today.

Any admission short of that is disingenuous.

In fact, the only joke you'll hear more often than the game being clean is that revenue sharing is working, and that you no longer have to spend money to compete in baseball.

A more reasonable path to take might be one in which they say it's exciting for the game that Tampa, spending only $43 million, penultimate in all of baseball, is leading the richest division in the game.

And it would be great if scouting and developing were the only way to go.

The only problem is it's not true.

Tampa is competing for the first time in its history, and few organizations can live with 10 years of horrific losing for a lone chance to be in a race.

It remains to be seen - when push comes to shove - if the Rays can make the expensive, trade-deadline deals necessary to hang around with the Red Sox and the Yankees, who are certain to be aggressive.

The simple truth is, of the 15 teams that can legitimately say they have a chance to reach the postseason, 11 are in the top 14 in payroll.

So not a lot has changed, but that doesn't mean you can't have a good laugh during the All-Star Game.

In fact, if you're bored to tears on game night, waiting for your favorite player to get an at-bat, or your prized pitcher to pull at Atlee Hammaker, play the HGH Game.

We would never encourage the use of alcohol or wagering, but there are creative ways to offer a guess, make your case, and then await the judgment of your peers.

Invite your friends, involve your neighbors, call your fantasy fanatics.

If nothing else, it'll dull the insult when the commissioner tells you the game has never been cleaner.

And you'll laugh even that much louder.

brozner@dailyherald.com