A curmudgeon's guide to 4th of July festival fun

Yes, of course I enjoyed Jake Griffin's story on the front page of Thursday's paper. I helped him come up with the concept.

It offered all sorts of useful tips on how to enjoy our local festivals. If you're all about the parades, you could have watched Warrenville's last night. Today, you could catch six more - if you don't mind driving from Vernon Hills to Rolling Meadows to Mount Prospect to Lisle to Wheeling to Lake Zurich. Plenty of info about where to catch fireworks, the various "Tastes" and the wide array of music.

But I'm here today to offer the curmudgeon's guide to festival-going - semi-wisdom from someone who's perhaps a little jaded from the hassles associated with attending some of the bigger fests.

Years ago, perhaps even before it was acclaimed as the "Midwest's Best Festival," one of my co-workers dubbed Ribfest in Naperville: "Linefest." She was alluding to the wait in those interminable lines for a plate of ribs, perhaps another line to get a bloomin' onion, yet another line for a beer. Then, traipse around for a place to sit.

I know of which she speaks. The Daily Herald is one of only 2,948,846 proud sponsors of Ribfest. As such, we're entitled to some of the perks, such as tickets to the sponsors' tent, preferred parking passes. Being the editor here and all, I've glommed on to a few of these goodies over the years. But hardships can befall even the pampered festgoers. For instance, last year we didn't plan ahead. I pulled up to the special people's parking area near the entrance to Ribfest only to be told the lot was full.

"But I have a preferred parking pass," I said indignantly.

Sorry, dude, park it some place else.

After driving around for eons, I found a quasi-legal spot in the city hall parking lot. So by the time we got to the sponsors' area, not only were all the tables taken, most of the folding chairs were in use, and there was precious little space left for a party of five. We rounded up the straggler chairs and ended up chowing down on ribs a few feet from one of the porta-potty trailers.

And speaking of occupied tables, when did this habit of "saving" tables become so predominant? By this, I mean a table that has no one actually sitting at it, but eight or so chairs propped up on their legs with the backs resting on the tabletop. Perhaps a handmade "saved" sign rests there, too. I swear, some day a riot's gonna break out when a couple parties clash over this first-dibs stunt carried to ridiculous extremes.

May I suggest that a "saved" table without a solitary soul sitting at it is fair game? And if it's one person staking out, say, a table for 12, may I also suggest that person is owed at least a dirty look by everyone, their entire party in tow, looking for an open table?

Here's another tip: Go early, beat the crowds. If you want to stick around for the headliners, be prepared to sit in one place for a while. Take it from another co-worker of mine. He and his family should be entering Ribfest's front gate just as this is written (2:02 p.m. Thursday). At this time, there are no lines, plenty of food, all sorts of room at the kiddie area. Everyone eats and plays and gets the heck out of dodge about the time the mobs start to converge.

But sometimes it's fun, even for us curmudgeons, to be part of the mob. I've gotta admit, even though we were tucked away near the luxury porta-potties at Ribfest, headliners Heart still sounded great. And adding the jumbotron a couple years ago was a stroke of genius.

So, see you at REO Speedwagon?

jdavis@dailyherald.com