Nothing much to fear - or celebrate - in 'Fear Itself'

The problem with an anthology TV series is it's uneven by definition. Even "The Twilight Zone" had its duds.

Then again, "The Twilight Zone" also produced classics like "The Eye of the Beholder," "Time Enough at Last" and "To Serve Man."

On that score, NBC's new "Fear Itself" is no "Twilight Zone" and probably never will be. Yet, to judge from the first two episodes, it's a decent summer replacement series for frightophiles, even if most decent American viewers will no doubt find it considerably less scary than CBS' spouse-swapping "Swingtown" in the same time slot.

"Fear Itself" airs at 9 p.m. Thursday on WMAQ Channel 5, and last week saw it make a respectable debut with the episode "Sacrifice," written by series creator Mick Garris and directed by Breck Eisner, of the most recent "Creature From the Black Lagoon."

The story concerned a quartet of tough guys who seek sanctuary after some sort of hunting accident (yeah, right) in a remote fort tended by a bevy of blond beauties who turn out to be servants of a vampire. It was suitably scary and sexy (featuring almost as much cleavage as "Swingtown"), and it ended on a typically ironic note, with the toughest guy and the last blonde fighting their way to freedom - only to have the guy discover he'd received a bite from the dying vampire and is destined to become one himself. At that point, they simply returned to the fort, with the blonde resigned to tending to the next generation of vampire.

This week, however, finds "Fear Itself" settling into even more formulaic ways, complete with a washed-up B-list star, Eric Roberts, and a story more transparent than a see-through "Swingtown" blouse. If last week's pilot was almost worthy of comparison to "The Twilight Zone," by contrast this week's follow-up, "Spooked," makes the vastly inferior "Night Gallery" look good.

Roberts plays a ruthless cop who isn't above gouging out a kidnapper's eye or slashing him across the face to force him to reveal his victim's whereabouts. "Sometimes you gotta do a wrong to make things right," he growls, as the kidnapper warns, "You'll never forget this. I won't let you."

Roberts' Harry Siegal pays with his job, but flash-forward 15 years and he's still leading a pretty fair existence as an equally ruthless private detective doing divorce work. Enter a femme fatale who hires him to keep an eye on her husband, only with the demand that he do his surveillance from the house across the street - a house that turns out to be (wait for it) haunted!

"Why are you so bad?" everyone keeps asking Harry. And the house will find out, because it forces anyone in it to confront "the one thing you can't live with."

Not to give anything away, but it turns out Harry's demons concern a predictable childhood incident (note his aversion to guns, Aware One), and if you can't figure out the connection of the femme fatale just from what I've written here, well, you might find "Fear Itself" to your liking. But I'll bet you hot sauce to holy water that this episode produces nothing but a yawn in most viewers.

So which of the first two episodes is more indicative of the overall quality of "Fear Itself?" You'll just have to see for yourself from week to week. The series has some undeniable talent lined up, including directors John Landis (who worked on the original "Twilight Zone" movie remake) and Ernest Dickerson, but then again it's produced by Keith Addis and Andrew Deane, the guys behind Showtime's "Masters of Horror" anthology, making it almost instantly derivative.

So you makes your pick and takes your choice at 9 p.m. Thursday this summer: You can be scared by horror or scared by whoring. Me, I think I'll stick to the Frederic Brown story collection I just picked up at the local library. Hey, this season is the time to take a little time off for Your Friendly Neighborhood TV Critic too.

Remotely interesting: Judy Baar Topinka has joined WTTW Channel 11's "Chicago Tonight" as a political commentator. ... WLS Channel 7 has promoted Rubye Wilson to programming producer. She's worked at the station as a freelance producer since 2006.

WFLD Channel 32 added a fifth hour to its morning newscast "Good Day Chicago" at 9 this week.

End of the dial: The excellent HBO miniseries "John Adams," with Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney, is out on DVD today.

The second season of "The Boondocks" is out in an "Uncut and Uncensored" version on DVD today.