Newer, better and stronger -- it's the American way

Commerce in its forms makes the wheels and gears go around in this country, right?

Would you be shocked to know that the spinning reel you bought three years ago just won't do for this year?

Commerce and the fishing business operate on the theory that the U.S. angler needs to reach into his or her wallet. I'm all for that if it means more manufacturing jobs for workers in this country.

But when you're told your older model reel isn't as good as the new ones with an additional 42 ball bearings, I begin to wince. You know the reels. They're the ones with a frame made from space-age components that will handle the pulling stress in case you hook an east European freighter loaded with zebra mussels.

It's the American way.

We are supposed to go to our favorite big-box super-store and ask the lad behind the counter if this new reel will help you snag a 40-pound king salmon in the Lincoln Park Lagoon. He will look at you with that typical, quizzical gaze while listening to the latest hip-hop music through the tiny ear phones stuck in to his ears.

It's the American way.

That wonderful 9.8 horsepower outboard you lovingly nursed along for some years continues to purr like a sewing machine. But, alas, it won't get across Lake Toomuchgoo in 2.5 seconds.

So we are asked to go green by purchasing a new Heat-Stroke, 435 horsepower Yakuza Express Monster, equipped with hydrostatic start, 10-position captain's chair, hot and cold running minnow bait wells and an optional fuel tank so the operator can run the boat on Mazola. No interest on that purchase for the first three days.

It's the American way.

There are fishing lures on the market these days that look like they belong on the pages of those fancy catalogs, like Sharper Image. I am told there are regiments of obsessed anglers willing to take out second mortgages so they can gobble up these crankbaits.

They must be manufactured by outland tribesmen in Mongolia, because it's reported the baits come to us wrapped in uncooked gluttonous rice and laid gently on a bed of bok choy, and finally packed in a box of smooth bamboo shoots. Not bad for a double Ben Franklin drop on the counter because …

It's the American way.

Do you like to combine canoeing and fishing? I used to do just that all the time on small Wisconsin rivers. But now a canoe apparently is not macho enough.

The big craze is kayaking. Anglers are being told a kayak is a great way to move around a waterway and sneak up on unsuspecting fish. Please keep in mind that a kayak once was the favored means of transportation for the locals in the Arctic when they went shopping for a six-month supply of blubber.

It's only a rumor -- or, as it's now called, an urban legend -- but I was told about a spin fisherman out for a day in a two-person kayak just outside the harbor of a southern California town.

This modern-day Hemingway supposedly hooked a shark. Five days later his wife gets word her hubby is on New Guinea and in partnership with one of the locals, operating a convenience store and bait shop.

Go figure. But I know for sure that all this commerce, as I call it, is part of a quilt sewn by elements of a society that may have gone off the deep end.

It's the American way.