Sutcliffe not alone in biggest fight of his life

To stand in death's foyer and prepare a fight, one presumes you take a leap of faith akin to jumping off a Grand Canyon ledge without so much as a single wax wing.

No Icarus is he, Rick Sutcliffe leapt kicking and screaming, using only the love of friends and fans, and the immense power of his family's positive thinking.

Not to mention a very heavy and prolonged program of radiation and chemotherapy.

"Everyone's been touched by cancer in their family or among their friends,'' Sutcliffe said. "But I'll tell you what, when you hear that it's you, that is some kick in the gut that you can't put into words.

"It doubles you over and you can't straighten up.''

The future instantaneously flashed before his eyes, and the thought Sutcliffe couldn't come to terms with was that colon cancer might rob him of the chance to see his daughter Shelby, who was recently married and on the verge of graduating from Harvard Medical School.

"I had a colonoscopy and then left to go to a game in spring training,'' Sutcliffe explained by phone from his home near Kansas City. "There was only one polyp, but it was cancerous.

"I was supposed to spend 10 days with the Cubs, and then head to Japan for the Red Sox-Oakland opener. It was a busy month, one thing after another.

"I told the woman on the phone, 'I'll be back April 5.' This is, like, the first week of March. I was in Atlanta. She said, 'I don't think you understand. You have cancer. Come back now.'

"But I felt fine. I had no symptoms, nothing wrong, strong as a horse.

"I flew to Florida March 5 to do a spring training game and when I got up the next morning, (agent) Barry (Axelrod) was sitting in the lobby waiting for me. He had flown all night to get there.

"When I saw him, that's when it hit me: I must be in some pretty big trouble.''

Sutcliffe went home and his wife, Robin, took him for a CAT-scan.

"That's a long 36 hours, waiting for the results to see where it's spread,'' Sutcliffe said. "I'm sitting there and I'm 51 and I'm feeling good and I'm like, 'This can't be happening.'

"For awhile, it's embarrassing and you want to hide. Finally, I figured out I didn't do anything wrong. I hadn't ignored the signs or gone against doctors' orders. I didn't deserve it.

"I had to get over that, and get over knowing I might lose my hair and get sick.''

And then the calls started coming in, from near, far and in between. From the rich and famous, and the not-so-much. Most crucial, from a legion of friends and fans that propped him up when he couldn't handle the load himself.

"In a strange way, you're sitting on the couch and it feels like a great big hug you're getting from every Cub fan in America, and that's a lot of people,'' Sutcliffe said. "I can't tell you what that means and what it does for you.

"When you know that that many people are on your side and in your corner, it makes you want to fight like heck to make it back.''

Sutcliffe made it back for his first broadcast with ESPN last week in Atlanta, first walking through the clubhouse and getting a firm embrace from dozens of players, coaches and managers.

"I was pretty nervous, more nervous than for Game 1 against the Padres in '84,'' Sutcliffe said. "But that's a good thing. That meant I was getting ready for a big game.

"One thing I learned through this is you have to set goals for yourself early on, and I've missed some and I've made some.

"I wanted to be able to run around this lake here, which is about 3.6 miles. I haven't made the whole thing yet.

"I wanted to be back in the booth sooner than last week, but I was close. I wanted to be back in there 10 days after I was done with treatments, and I was close.

"I'm really doing great. It's not been nearly as bad as what you hear it's like, and what you think it's gonna be like.

"It's not a fun time when you hear the news, but after awhile I said, 'Let's get after it. Let's get in the ring and get going and find a way to win.'

"That's the toughest part, is the waiting and the getting ready.''

Sutcliffe still has miles to travel and much of it uphill. He met with his doctors Friday and scheduled his next big start, a June 16 surgery to last five or six hours, followed by a week in the hospital, and another surgery a couple months after that.

"Essentially, they have to redo all the plumbing, and first a lot of things have to go right with the big surgery for all of it to work,'' Sutcliffe said. "But I've got a lot to do. I expect to be in Yankee Stadium (for the All-Star Game) for MLB International a month after the surgery.

"That (broadcast) goes to all our Armed Forces around the world, and I consider that an honor and I expect to do it. I also do the LCS and World Series, and I owe it to our troops to be there for them.

"The doctor said (Friday) that he would tell most people it's unrealistic, but not me because I've already proved him wrong.

"He said, 'You're young, in great shape, and I'm not betting against you again.' So if at all possible, I'll be there.''

In the meantime, he will be at Wrigley Field for Cubs-Dodgers on Tuesday, calling a match-up between the club with which his career is most associated, and the team for whom he was Rookie of the Year -- and whose manager, Joe Torre, is a friend and cancer survivor.

On June 4, he'll be at Fenway Park, and the next day he'll be nearby at Harvard for his daughter's graduation.

"If only Jon Lester and Doug Davis would stop stealing all the attention from me,'' Sutcliffe laughed, noting the two pitchers recently in the news. "All you have to do is look around and there are cancer survivors everywhere, sitting right next to you, and across the street, and every time you turn on the TV.''

He needs no "bucket list'' because he has no intention of setting foot to one.

"Medicine has improved so much and doctors' techniques are so much better,'' Sutcliffe said, "that there is great hope for me and for everyone who has it.''

To have known Sutcliffe for decades is to have been constantly lifted by his joy for life and enthusiasm for baseball.

But it is his love of people, the time he has given to others in need, that has always struck you as his purpose here.

And one can't help but wonder what will be the next great chapter for him as he continues on this journey.

"It's like I told Robin when we were waiting on that CAT-scan. I'm 51 and if it's over, my gosh, I've had a heck of a ride,'' Sutcliffe said. "I've been blessed more than anyone I've ever known.

"But when I think about cancer, I think about the kids who aren't even 10 and haven't lived, haven't even had a chance yet.

"That's what rips my heart out. I've had a heck of a life, but those kids need a chance, a way to get to their 50s.

"I can't stop thinking of them. Something has to be done.''

No doubt that will be the next grand cause for Sutcliffe after he clears a few hurdles himself.

But for the moment, Sutcliffe excuses himself for urgent business. He has a Saturday morning fishing trip planned with friends.

With a haste and purpose as never before, Rick Sutcliffe has no time to waste.