No kidding: Swisher big on Big Hurt

Go ahead and rip Frank Thomas.

Make fun of him all you want, mock his size, say he's washed up, even that Chicago is better off with the Big Hurt outside city limits.

Go right ahead.

Just don't do it within earshot of Nick Swisher.

"No, I don't recommend it,'' Swisher said with a Thomas-sized grin. "I know some things happened here that people didn't like. Stuff happens, but I love that man. He's a great friend. I love Big Frank.''

Swisher stood just a few feet away Thursday afternoon as manager Ozzie Guillen held court in the White Sox' dugout, and he must have been pleased with Guillen's positive outlook for Thomas in Oakland.

In between Guillen's meteorological reports, during which he predicted a summer of terrible weather for Chicago baseball, not to mention making fun of those who can't stand Juan Uribe, and reminding us interrogators that despite a couple of defeats the White Sox remain in first place, Guillen also managed to send his regards to Thomas.

"I'm not a betting guy, but I have two dinners I won because I knew he'd get another job, and I even picked the team,'' Guillen said with delight. "I'm happy for Frank. Hopefully he'll have a good year, just not when we're in Oakland.''

In Oakland is where Swisher became Thomas' audience for all things hitting and big-league baseball.

When Thomas arrived in 2006 at the age of 37, after 16 years in the majors with the Sox, Swisher was just 25 and had little more than a full year in the bigs.

Already the clubhouse clown, Swisher seemed an odd fit for the often ornery Thomas, but opposites attract, and the two quickly became inseparable.

"He did a lot for me,'' said Swisher, who had his best season during their one year together in 2006. "But I'd like to think I did a little bit for him, too.''

Swisher believes he actually got Thomas to relax a tad and not take every pitch and at-bat home with him at night, stewing over a missed opportunity or an umpire's call.

"You have to understand that hitting is all he's about,'' Swisher said. "Once he became a DH, it's all he ever did and all he ever thought about. He's very serious about it. Too serious sometimes.''

So while Thomas taught Swisher everything he knew about hitting a baseball, Swisher did everything he could to distract Thomas from thinking himself into a hole.

They talked about football constantly, with Thomas the ex-Auburn tight end who eventually gave up football for the safer side of baseball, and Swisher the hard-hitting high school safety, talked out of playing college football by his father, Steve, the erstwhile Cubs catcher.

So even while playing baseball for Ohio State, it didn't stop Swisher from working out with the Buckeyes football team, lifting weight for weight in the off-season with A.J. Hawk of OSU.

"He'd just shake his head when I talked about how I still wanted to play football,'' Swisher chuckled. "Frank shook his head at me a lot. We had some laughs.''

See, laughs are just not something Chicagoans associate with Frank Thomas.

"He's got a real goofy side,'' Swisher said. "You'd be surprised.''

Yeah.

"No kidding,'' Swisher said. "But you just drink up the knowledge he has in his head.

"His consistency when he was healthy is really like only a few guys in the history of the game. Year after year, huge, huge numbers, because he came back every day expecting to do well.

"Not too high and not too low. Might snap a bat once in awhile, but every day ready to get 4 hits.''

Swisher was going to have a hard time squeezing in 4 hits between rain delays Thursday night on the South Side, making Guillen's prognostication of a bad weather season solid on at least this evening.

As for Thomas, Swisher predicted big things in Oakland for the Big Hurt and then ducked back into the tunnel to avoid the monsoon.

The forecast for Guillen remains, eternally, mostly wacky with a 95 percent chance he'll say exactly what he thinks.

No matter who's listening.

brozner@dailyherald.com