'Cathechism' a throwback to Catholic-school days
You know who you are.
"Late Nite Catechism" is a gentle romp for anyone who attended Catholic school when nuns still wore habits. It's also a chance to show offspring, mates or friends a glimpse of what it was like.
At Pheasant Run in St. Charles, carrying a glass of wine into the performance is allowed, but coming in late subjects the student to loud cross-examination and a $1 fine for the "pagan baby fund."
"No, I can't hit you with a ruler. It's against the law," Sister tells one miscreant.
Lisa Braatz, who lives in Naperville, fits comfortably into the role of Sister in this interactive adult catechism class by Noble Fool Theatricals.
And she should. She's been wearing the habit on stage for five years in the one-woman comedy that's been running in the Chicago area and around the world for 15 years.
Her opening lines are yelled during her entrance. "All right! All Right. Sit up straight both feet on the floor." And "Zip it!"
Sister takes us back to her first teaching job with the huge generation born after World War II.
The room had 52 children "And each one of them knew they were better than the kids who went to public school."
The incredible stories of long-ago saints with all their gory suffering are here.
After a long listing of the tortures that 17th Century St. Veronica Giuliani inflicted on herself, Sister acknowledged that today such a mystic would be on the Jerry Springer show or under psychiatric care.
You'll remember the passion for the country's first Catholic president, John F. Kennedy, and his fashion-setting wife, Jacqueline.
And you'll hear about limbo, the trinity and eternity.
Generally, most of the lessons seem to fit with Catholic doctrine of the day, tinged with slight twists and revisionism, just like we heard in school.
Here's how she explains venial and mortal sins.
"Venial is small. 'I lied to Grandma.' Mortal sin might be 'I killed my grandma.'"
As an incentive for a correct answer, she hands out a glow-in-the dark rosary. But it comes with a warning. This might have a little radioactivity, so if the recipient puts it under his pillow he should be sure to wrap it in tinfoil.
Best of all, Sister has the look. It's a stare that can silence the sassiest sixth-grader and nail him to the wall.
Other mannerisms from the old days include resting her hands under the layer of fabric on the front of her habit and writing on the chalkboard in capital letters.
And of course there's the recurring theme in the Catholic Church: "Girls are good, boys are bad."
She displays a chair made of rulers she broke over little boys' hands. "I feel bad about it. It's against the law."
Then audience members raise their hands to tell by their own hand-slapping incidents when they were students in Catholic schools.
Braatz is strong at adlibbing.
"Bagpipes," she said, when the instruments were heard from the adjacent wedding party. "I wonder what they're doing. I hope it's not a funeral."
A few jokes are thrown in with the humorous stories.
Why are priests celibate?
"Well who would want them?"
And which of the 600 orders of religious sisters who practiced in the United States and Canada taught you?
Sisters of Charity Blessed Virgin Mary? Black-veiled monsters!
"Late Nite Catechism"
2½ starsfourLocation: Preservation Hall Studio Theater, Pheasant Run Resort, 4051 E. Main St., St. Charles. Route 64 west of Route 59.Times: 6 p.m. Saturdays and 2:30 p.m. Sundays through May 31.Running time: About 2 hours, including intermissionTickets: $27 with dinner packages from $49. Box office: (630) 584-6342 or www.ticketmaster.com.Information: www.noblefool.orgRating: All ages