Powers that be surely creating some confusion
What worthless power forward are you here to write about?
The question was posed hours before Thursday night's game between the Bulls and Cavs at the UC, and was the stuff of legend -- or aneurysm.
The candidates were everywhere and the answer painful before Ben Gordon and the Bulls overcame a monster first half by LeBron James with a huge third quarter and defeated the tired Cavs 107-96.
First and foremost, there was the suspended Tyrus Thomas, who went AWOL on Wednesday and said before Thursday's game that he missed practice for personal reasons, not because he'd suddenly been benched in favor of our next candidate, Drew Gooden, who managed 12 points and 8 rebounds against his former team in 36 minutes Thursday.
There was even a Cedric Simmons appearance, but before that could happen we were introduced to the rest of the PF cast, starring former Bull Ben Wallace.
He actually looked borderline awake, and should have been after sleeping through two years with the Bulls.
And then there was Joe Smith, whose time with the Bulls was memorable for, well, for being traded with Wallace, I guess.
Smith had 5 points and 4 fouls in 23 minutes, while Wallace (10 rebounds, 2 points) was dominated down low by the highly excited Joakim Noah (13 points, 20 rebounds) whenever the two were matched.
There was a bonus round with Blackhawks power forward Dustin Byfuglien, the erstwhile defenseman, who sat courtside with Patrick Kane.
Byfuglien shouldn't qualify because he's better at the position than any of the above. Of course, it's much easier than playing defense, which would require a team to be patient.
The best part about his position switch is that the Hawks say they planned all along to have him play forward -- even though he played nothing but defense since the day the team drafted him, until he got to Chicago.
Something wrong with that tale.
In any case, rather than coaching him, or admitting they're not sure what they want to do, they took a big, skilled, two-way defenseman with high risk and potentially high reward and moved him up front.
It'd be like the Cubs or the White Sox bringing up a pitcher they groomed to be a No. 1 or No. 2 starter and dumping him in middle relief.
Oh, Byfuglien will do fine up front and score plenty of goals, but then they'll overpay in free agency to find a skilled defenseman who can skate the puck and add offense when they might have had the guy on their roster all along.
That'd be enough to give you a headache, but on this night it's reserved for Thomas, who must wonder if the Hawks are giving the Bulls advice.
Like Byfuglien -- who should have had this as a learning year, getting the mistakes out of his system en route to becoming an NHL defenseman -- Thomas should be playing huge minutes and the Bulls should be finding out what his place is in the league.
Instead, they have a phenomenal physical talent with zero polish, who shows flashes of brilliance and yet a clear misunderstanding of how the NBA operates.
He won't figure it out from the bench.
But no one wanted to talk about that Thursday after the Bulls' victory, which saw them pull to within a game of a playoff spot.
For all the good it will do them.
Best quote
LeBron James (39 points) put on his cape in the first half, often going 1-on-5 and scoring 26 points on 10-of-15 shooting, after pouring in 50 on the Knicks a night earlier.
But when asked about another No. 23, he said, "As far as being the next Michael Jordan, there is no such thing. There was only one Michael Jordan and there will never be another one.''
Water-bottle shot
The Illini Hockey Club completed its dream season with a 4-2 victory over Lindenwood in the ACHA National Championship game in Rochester, N.Y., finishing the Champaign campaign with a perfect 38-0-0 record.
Wadsworth senior center Drew Heredia, the club captain, scored twice in his final game and was named tourney MVP, while Batavia sophomore Brad Hoelzer also garnered first-team all-tournament honors and Buffalo Grove goalie Mike Burda earned a second-team nod.
The good cause
Durty Nellie's in Palatine hosts a concert Monday from 3 p.m. to midnight to benefit two NIU memorial funds. For more info on what you get for a $10 donation at the door, visit durtynellies.com.
Cuts like a knife
ESPN.com's Bill Simmons, on the Bulls-Cavs trade: "Even if you got back a dead body for Larry Hughes, it would have been a moral victory. Instead, the Cavs got back the Artist Formerly Known As Ben Wallace, someone who stopped being an elite rebounder and shot-blocker about three years ago, but someone with playoff experience and the ability to defend bigger guys.''
Election central
Former Phoenix star Kevin Johnson announced his run for Sacramento mayor against incumbent Heather Fargo. It may sound crazy, but, hey, running that city can't be more difficult than trying to run the Suns' offense through Charles Barkley and Dan Majerle.
Best headline
Sportspickle.com: "Great locker room guy a pretty lousy field guy.''
And finally …
Greg Cote of the Miami Herald: "The Tampa Bay Rays have discussed possibly signing Barry Bonds. Because, evidently, finishing in last place every year isn't embarrassing enough."
brozner@dailyherald.com