Mars Cheese Castle: Path to the Pack

If the way to a Wisconsinite's heart is through the Green Bay Packers, then the path to Green Bay surely runs through the Mars Cheese Castle.

A battlement-wrapped, curd-and-sausage retail destination stationed eight miles north of Illinois' border beside I-94, Mars Cheese Castle -- otherwise known as "The Cheese Castle," otherwise known as "The Castle" among regulars -- is a veritable cheese 'n' beer paradise.

Aside from open-freezer selections of fine, Wisconsin-shaped Swiss and multiple flavors of squeaky cheddar curds, a cozy separate room of tchotckes hails Brett Favre's prowess and solidifies the W-state's affinity for cows and "spotted" beer.

Per the unspoken, dairy-native's handbook, I'm a direct descendant of such highway-side delicacies.

I grew up two towns north of The Castle's Kenosha hometown and have frequented its hidden gem of a side-room bar many times for homemade Bloody Marys and Spotted Cow beer backs.

So when the Packers landed one game away from the Super Bowl a month ago, the game-viewing directive seemed obvious: Meet you at The Castle.

3 p.m.: We're on the road, pointed north. The game starts at 5:30 p.m., and we demand primo seating at the bar, right by The Castle's selection of Wisconsin-brewed (Point, Spotted Cow) and German-made (Spaten Optimator) beers on tap. Castle management usually closes the store at 7 p.m. throughout the week, including Sundays, but Packer games mean longer bar hours all season.

4:30 p.m.: An hour to spare before the game means time for a Bloody Mary, one of The Castle's specialty concoctions made with all the love and care that Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco and an asparagus garnish can provide. The bar area is covered in Packers fandom and an homage to the owners' German heritage: an entire wall dedicated to beer steins.

5:15 p.m.: Just as my pals and I begin eyeing the cafe (a humble little outfit resembling the PTA-run setup you'd see at an eighth-grade basketball game, but with magical powers that produce high-class sandwiches, brats and the best warm German potato salad this far south of Milwaukee), the owner walks in with his cheese-bearing cavalcade. Suddenly a whole table is filled with free samples of several types of cheese, huge bags of sausage, rows of crackers and a giant cheese ball to top it all off. Now this is a Packer party!

5:29 p.m.: We succumb to the kitchen's wafting deliciousness and indulge in brats and German salami sandwiches on white. My mom and aunt join my boyfriend and best friend (a Bears fan, but we've forgiven her) at the bar. The place fills up with Packer-clad locals ordering brews and bustling for a win. The bar never fills up on this sub-zero Sunday night, much to our relief. We tend to get loud during games like this.

6 p.m.: Our eyes are glued to one of The Castle's two corner TVs. The announcer tells us this is one of the coldest playoff games to date. During commercials, the bartender keeps us interested with off-beat stats and pop-culture trivia. Did you know that Casey Kasem provides the voice for Shaggy in 2003's "Scooby-Doo! And the Legend of the Vampire"? It's true!

6:35 p.m.: Touchdown! Jager shots are poured around the bar. For a half-filled pub, the place is uproarious enough for two full Castles.

6:48 p.m.: Have you ever considered Brett Favre for president? In this state of post-touchdown bliss, coupled with a round of Jager, anything is possible -- even a trip to Green Bay. The sign near the bar's entrance reads: Lambeau Field: 149 miles. We decide against attempting the drive, even in the event of a Packers win. Such pilgrimages are meant for separate daylong affairs.

Halftime: Bathroom break. Just down the hall. Easy access and on the way to the cheese/sausage table, not to mention The Castle's coveted cheese room. A temperate-controlled vault, it's home to wheels of dairy delicacies. At this point, our designated driver plan is solidified. No, seriously. An hour-and-a-half drive back home is no fun with a few beers tied on. The consensus says … it's me. I'm cut off for the rest of the night. Ah, well. I still have cheese.

7:41 p.m.: Announcer Joe Buck just said something nice about the Packers! A rare occasion indeed. But he may have jinxed us. The night's slew of Packer penalties begins here.

7:54 p.m.: Touchdown No. 2! Jager shots abound. I pass mine left to my BF and down some more cheese.

8 to 9 p.m.: What follows at this point is so disappointing that it's barely worth mentioning. If you remember the Packers-Giants match this fateful night, you'll know that New York walloped on the Packers enough penalties to throw us off our mark. It's still a close match, and we're glued to the tube. The kitchen has since closed, but The Castle's TVs blare into the night.

9:04 p.m.: The Giants just missed the field goal they needed to win it! Overtime, baby! More shots, more cheese, more screams.

The end: The Packers end up losing it in overtime. Just before the place clears out, the bartender raises a glass to Green Bay and says: "Here's to the Packers. It's been a hell of a season."

Mars Cheese Castle

2800 120th Ave., Kenosha, Wis., (262) 859-2244

Hours: 9 a.m. to 7 p.m.

Cost: Free to browse. Cheese prices range from free samples to around $30 for deluxe gift packs

If you're around Mars Cheese Castle:

Jelly Belly tours

10100 Jelly Belly Lane, Pleasant Prairie, Wis., (866) TOUR-JBC, jellybelly.com

Wisconsin's Jelly Belly warehouse offers free tours Monday through Saturday starting at 9 a.m., and it's only a few miles south of The Castle near I-94 in Pleasant Prairie. JB "trains" cart patrons to stations throughout the warehouse that detail the birth and life of your typical bean. Dine on free samples after the 30-minute ride.

Brat Stop

12304 75th St., Kenosha, Wis., (262) 857-2011, bratstop.com

In case you're not full from The Castle's many cheese and sausage samples, the Brat Stop is one of the best bratwurst-'n'-potato salad eateries within a 15-mile radius. As much a local pub as it is a nice, wood-paneled restaurant, expect live performances from local bands every weekend and many times throughout the week.

Congo River Golf & Exploration

7610 120th Ave., Kenosha, Wis., (262) 857-PUTT, congorivergolf.com

Think outdoor minigolf season is still months away? Think again. Congo River, a mid-sized course full of jungle-themed water hazards and mounds of obstacles, reopens in early April. Perfect for family fun or high-school nostalgia, Congo River is safe for the beginners and self-professed pros in your life.

Pleasant Prairie Shopping Center

11211 120th Ave., Pleasant Prairie, Wis., (262) 857-2101, primeoutlets.com

This expressway-side oasis of (60!) outlet shops includes your trendy, cost-slashing boutiques like Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein as well as all-around must-stop accessories and shoes shops a la Liz Claiborne and Ellen Tracy. It's been described as one of Prime Outlet's most-trusted discount malls.