Virtual romance often leads to real loss

WASHINGTON -- If you're looking online for a sweetheart, beware: You may find a new meaning for the expression "money can't buy love."

The National Consumers League has issued a warning to people looking for love on the Internet to watch out for con artists whose only mission is to separate them from their cash.

"Scammers lurk in chat rooms and on online dating sites, attempting to earn someone's affections and trust so that they can persuade him or her to send money," said Sally Greenberg, executive director of the National Consumers League.

The league, a nonprofit consumer advocacy group, is calling such scams the "Sweetheart Swindle." It's a simple scheme really. The con artist spends time nurturing a relationship. The goal of this online courtship, Greenberg said, is to eventually get the victim to repeatedly send cash.

Greenberg said the group's Fraud Center only began tracking this type of scam last summer. However, it's become so pervasive that the organization says it has moved into its top 10 list of scams.

Last year the average lovesick victim lost more than $3,000, according to complaints logged at the center's Web site, www.fraud.org.

The scams vary but the typical swindler will begin to weave a tale of how he (or she) has gotten into a financial jam, Greenberg said. Feeling sorry for their online love, the victim eventually sends money.

In one case, a woman gave $35,000 to a man she met on Match.com, who claimed he was from her hometown of Kansas City, Mo. He said he worked as an engineer in Nigeria. For four months the two had long online exchanges, much like you have at the beginning of a courtship. He even sent her flowers and professed his love for her.

Then the man began requesting money to pay for medical care for his 11-year-old son, whom he claimed had a congenital heart condition.

It was all a con. Eventually the woman took out a second mortgage on her home to pay off the credit cards she used to get advances to send him money.

"I'm not a stupid woman," she told me in an interview. "I have a master's degree. I hold down a good job."

But, she said, she felt sorry for the kid. "That was where my heart strings were."

If you're inclined to be harsh on these victims, don't be so smug to think this couldn't happen to you, Greenberg said.

"Scammers are really good at figuring out and preying on the vulnerabilities of the people they are scamming," she said.

The Consumers League said if you want to avoid heartache from a sweet-talking swindler, look for these red flags:

• You are being asked for money.

• There is a confession of love soon after you begin communicating.

• The person claims to be a U.S. citizen who is living abroad. Or they pump up their professional credentials.

• The person wants you to help with their business or get involved in a business deal.

Greenberg advises that you give money only to someone you've met in person, have known for a long time and can truly trust.

I would suggest that you make it a personal money rule not to give or loan a significant amount of cash to anyone you're romantically interested in whether the relationship has developed face-to-face or in virtual space.

And certainly don't ever borrow money to help out your sweetie, no matter how desperate the situation seems. If they need financial assistance, help them find another resource.

Bailing out your boo is not an indication of your love or commitment to the relationship. It's an indication you're dating someone who needs to budget or get another job (or a job) or move back home with his or her mama.

© 2008, The Washington Post Co.