Can airlines bare it if fliers travel in the buff?
For frequent fliers who are tired of sitting next to passengers wearing cut-offs and "I'm With stupid" T-shirts, a travel agency has come up with a dress code. But it's not bringing back the gray flannel suit. It's bringing back the birthday suit.
www.OssiUrlaub.de, a German agency, has started booking all-nude flights for passengers taking day trips during July to a Baltic Island called Usedom. Even before travelers strip down to their all-together, they might feel like they've already lost their shirts.
The trip costs more than $700, which should improve the airline's bottom line. The passenger's "bottom line" is another story. Unless the carrier has a way to sanitize the seats, those travelers might come home with some unwanted souvenirs. But I digress.
This isn't the first airline to bare the facts. Many moons ago in 2003, passengers on a charter flight from Miami to Cancun bared their souls and other things. They weren't allowed to remove their clothes until after takeoff, but then everybody let it all hang out. They didn't even dress for dinner (although they did dress for landing and Customs).
Crew members on these chartered flights do keep their shirts on, although that hasn't always been true. The same year when passengers were mooning over Miami, a couple of rogue Southwest pilots decided to take their takeoff literally and removed their clothes in the cockpit.
They claimed they spilled coffee on their uniforms and needed to dry them out. The flight attendants who were asked to bring paper towels to the cockpit thought the story was all wet. So did the airline. The pilots were stripped of their wings, which was just as well. They had no place left to pin them.
A couple of years ago, when United Airlines announced plans to strip down its flight attendant pension plan, five of the ladies decided to take the stripping to a new level. They published a 2006 pin-up calendar that featured glossy photos of the ladies wearing mostly their smiles.
The purpose was to create awareness that there's nothing guaranteed about guaranteed pensions. Their motto was, "Are your butts covered? We thought ours were, too." The calendar was so successful, they launched another one for 2007, and flight attendants from six airlines participated.
On most flights, dress is optional, which is not expected to be interpreted literally. But an occasional passenger does this.
On a flight to Rome during the 1960s, two men decided to change into their pajamas for the night flight. They made no attempt at modesty for the other passengers' sakes, although they did close their window shades.
On another flight, a passenger went skinny dipping in the lavatory sink. A flight attendant discovered him when he rang the call button to request someone to wash his back.
And a couple of years ago, a Qantas Airlines agent denied boarding to a man who acted a little weird. Apparently, the man felt stripped of his rights and decided to do the same.
In his birthday suit, he jumped a barbed-wire fence and streaked after a taxiing aircraft. When he caught up with the Boeing 747, he hopped into the landing gear and would have attempted to fly outside the aircraft, if he hadn't been arrested.
Flying in the buff might not be mainstream, but it would have its advantages. Passenger scanning would only be needed for body pierces and hip replacements. In fact, getting through security would be a breeze at several levels. And it would be difficult to pin any rule infractions on anybody. If a terrorist did try to hijack an aircraft, you would certainly know who was wearing the pants.
But until the airlines turn the heat up on their aircraft and stock more blankets, I don't think any of us are ready for that much exposure. And that's the naked truth.
Gail Todd, a free-lancewriter,worked as a flightattendant for more than 30years. She can be reached viae-mail at gailtodd@aol.com.