This Valentine's Day, Lake County churches give the gift of counseling

A box of chocolates.

A dozen long-stemmed red roses.

A set of diamond earrings.

And perhaps some marital advice?

This Valentine's Day, Lake County sheriff's office employees may take home an unusual gift to their spouses or partners -- a survey to gauge the state of their unions.

Catalyst, a group of roughly 28 Lake County churches, is offering the agency's 550 employees free online marriage assessment through eHarmony Marriage, an offshoot of the popular Internet dating site.

Studies have shown the divorce rate among law enforcement professionals, such as police officers, firefighters and military personnel, can be as high as 75 percent, said Bill Yaccino, executive director of Catalyst.

That's much higher than the 43 percent of first marriages that break up after 15 years, and 33 percent ending after 10 years, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

"This is preventative," said Yaccino, a marriage coach for 16 years. "The health of your marriage is so much easier to talk about when you're not in the middle of a fight. This actually may point some couples toward counseling."

Taking the test is optional. It's confidential and can be done online in the privacy of the employee's home.

Couples get a relationship profile at the end of the assessment that shows their strengths, areas that need improvement, and a plan to work on problem areas.

Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran said he and his wife have started looking into the eHarmony program to help their marriage.

"Our law enforcement officers have very stressful jobs dealing with shift work and having to relate to some of the worst actors in our society," he said. "These work-related stresses can take their toll on the family, which is why the eHarmony marriage program is so valuable."

Patrick Firman, deputy chief of corrections, said the five years he worked the midnight shift and the seven years on the afternoon shift were tough on his marriage.

"When you don't see each other on a regular basis you miss out on the little things," he said.

Firman said at the time he and his wife started writing journals to communicate. He said taking the eHarmony assessment generated good questions.

"I don't think there's anything more valuable than your time and your effort," he said. "It's easy to go out and buy a box of chocolates."

Couples who take the assessment can access online videos, exercises and articles specific to their relationship. They would also be able to use another tool, known as the "Love Talk Indicator."

Both features were developed by Les and Leslie Parrott, who founded the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University and authored several books on relationships.

"The number one complaint that couples have is that 'we just don't communicate,'" Les Parrott said. "(Love Talk Indicator) gives them a graphic picture of their two individual and unique talk styles."

Many Lake County churches use the eHarmony Marriage assessment in their ministries.

Once Valentine's Day fever dies down, several Catalyst churches will host a "Couples Night Out" so sheriff's officers and the public can drop off their kids and go out for a date night.

"Both of these are an attempt to invest in the marriages of families in Lake County," said Joe Boerman, pastor of Immanuel Church in Gurnee.

A special Valentine's Day gift

Catalyst churches of Lake County are offering employees of the Lake County sheriff's office a tool to strengthen their relationships.

What's in store for couples

• Couples can opt to participate in a free eHarmony Marriage assessment survey at marriage.eharmony.com/ehm with a code supplied by Catalyst.

• At the end of the 120-question assessment, couples get a relationship profile, access to online videos, exercises and articles to help improve the health of their relationships. For more information, visit www.catalystweb.org.

• A second assessment tool known as the "Love Talk Indicator," found at www.realrelationships.com, gives couples a picture of their individual and unique talk styles.

• Couples Night Out -- 6-9:30 p.m. March 15 at Immanuel Church in Gurnee. Free childcare for couples with children from infants through fifth grade. Couples will get a gift bag including dinner and movie coupons. Children's activities include movies, games, crafts and snacks. For more information, call (847) 336-4800.