Misplaced 'Faith' mars treacly new legal series
The Lord works in mysterious ways, it's true, but what strange god comes to his worshipers in the form of George Michael?
That's the sort of intangible hooey a viewer gets from "Eli Stone," a touchy-feely new mystical ABC dramedy debuting at 9 p.m. today on WLS Channel 7.
Jonny Lee Miller stars as the title character, an attorney at a cutthroat San Francisco law firm who, of course, yearns for something more than merely "screwing over the little guy."
"Until recently," he says at the outset, "my belief in a higher power was limited to worshiping the holy trinity of Armani, accessories and, my personal favorite, ambition."
Yet that's before he starts hearing George Michael's "Faith" over and over in his head -- and even hallucinating a performance by him in the lobby of his office building. And singing along.
Eli lost his virginity to that song 15 years before, so no wonder it preys upon his subconscious.
Now if only I could get the crummy thing to stop playing in my own head.
Eli goes on to refer to the washed-up old Wham! singer as a "legendary British pop star," but that's only the beginning of his delusions. Before tonight's pilot is over, he's scaling the Himalayas (while actually just climbing up on the balcony railing of his high-rise apartment) and considering himself to be some sort of religious prophet.
Oh Lordy, what strange TV series is this?
There are several problems with "Eli Stone," and the first is that, as someone who's supposed to be either a ruthless attorney or a charismatic religious figure, Miller is just plain bland in the lead role. The show gets a lot closer to home by casting Tom Cavanagh, the quirky former "Ed," as Eli's alcoholic father, who, it turns out, might have suffered from the same sort of hallucinations Eli is, and for the same reason -- an inoperable genetic brain aneurysm.
That's what's giving Eli his visions, but why these visions in particular? And why this sudden need to do good -- beginning with a desire to switch sides in a suit against a pharmaceutical company and take the case of, yes, the woman who deflowered him, who is now the mother of an autistic child she claims was afflicted by the disorder thanks to a tainted vaccine.
No, the child isn't his. That would be just too unlikely. What do you think we're dealing with here, "Back to You?"
Anyway, all these visions -- and the rampant do-gooder-ism -- throw havoc into his personal life with his fiancee, played by Natasha Henstridge (who can achieve anything with George Michael playing in the next room?), not to mention her father, played by the ever-snide Victor Garber, who of course is also the head of the cutthroat law firm.
Yet, the main problem with "Eli Stone" is that, for such a seemingly bizarre and daring concept, it couldn't be more treacly and predictable. In your typical conflict of science versus faith, Eli's doctor brother Nathan, played by Matt Letsher, diagnoses the inoperable aneurysm, but James Saito's mystical Dr. Chen (a stereotypical Oriental holy man) is the one who hints at deeper forces at play.
"Eli Stone" was created by Greg Berlanti and Marc Guggenheim, who worked together on the even more contrived ABC family drama "Brothers & Sisters," and between them they've done a number of pedestrian series, including "The Practice," "Law & Order," "Everwood" and "Dirty Sexy Money." No wonder "Eli Stone" has neither the inspiration nor the courage of its convictions to carry this off convincingly.
I mean, do I have to tell you who wins the court case? Not if you're at all astute, Aware One.
"Eli Stone" is just a mystical, airy-fairy take on the standard legal drama, meant to appeal to the befuddled boobs already suckered in by all the mysterious, convoluted claptrap on "Lost," which it follows. Clearly placed on the back burner for midseason by ABC, it might never have seen the light of prime time if not for the writers' strike. Talk about the Lord working in mysterious ways.
In the air
Remotely interesting: "Lost" returns for its fourth season with a two-hour episode at 7 p.m. today on WLS Channel 7, but it long ago grew so ludicrous with its endless stream of unexplained mysteries that it became nonsensical -- and not in a good way. Between polar bears and smoke monsters and the "Others" and Jacob, I couldn't tell you what's going on -- and I don't think show creator J.J. Abrams could either. The aptly named "Lost" long ago proved itself willing to do anything to keep a viewer engaged -- and as a result it couldn't be more inconsequential. What I do know is it's heading for a finale two years and 48 episodes from now, and this year's truncated season has been truncated more by the writers' strike, cut down to eight episodes. So enjoy it while you can, "Lost" fans, and then why don't you just dive on into something more concrete, like James Joyce's "Finnegan's Wake."
The film "Crash" is being turned into a series on Starz. … The BBC has authorized a new edition of "The Office" -- set in Chile. … Rose McGowan goes from "Grindhouse" to Turner Classic Movies when she becomes the new co-host of "The Essentials" alongside Robert Osborne in March.
End of the dial: WBBM 780-AM has teamed with its CBS TV sibling WBBM Channel 2 to create an online Voter Guide for Tuesday's primary found at cbs2chicago.com.
The Tone Generators, led by former Marshall Tucker Band guitarist Stuart Swanlund, perform live in the studio on "Hambone's Blues Party" at 10 p.m. today on WDCB 90.9-FM.